Girls, boys, men, women, gentlemen, ladies, regardless of what we call each
other, there are still differences. Maybe the following will tickle you as
it did me. :-})

Jeff
[log in to unmask]


This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
>
> Rebecca <last name deleted> and Gary <last name deleted>
> English 44A
> SMU
> Creative Writing
> Prof Miller
>
> In-class Assignment for Wednesday
>
> "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
> The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
> sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
> the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
> first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The
> first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and
> forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order
> to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a
> conclusion has been reached."
>
> The story begins ...
>
> ---
>
> At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
> camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
> now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
> that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
> keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
> she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
> So camomile was out of the question.
>
> Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
> squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
> think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
> Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
> "A.S. Harris to eostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
> communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
> far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed
> out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
> jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
> the cockpit.
>
> He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
> felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
> woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterward, Earth
> stopped its pointless hostilities toward the peaceful farmers of
> Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space
> Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
> simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
> dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and
> carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
> from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
> her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
> pondered wistfully.
>
> Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live.
> Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
> launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
> wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament
> Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
> hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
> Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian
> ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
> pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly
> initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
> the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile
> submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam,
> felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and
> 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
> conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
> treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
>
> This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
> writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
>
> Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
> at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
>
> You total $*&.
>
> Stupid %&#$!
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