Dear Barb and John,
what about my "wonderful" "pidgeon English"!!! I`m always telling my
friends on chat or here:
please don`t laugh of me - but with me:-)))))
Sonia


NEVER GIVE UP

----------
> Fra: Barbara Mallut <[log in to unmask]>
> Til: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN <[log in to unmask]>
> Emne: Re: Help comfort a panicking SO
> Dato: 11. december 1997 21:49
>
> Oh John... please, please DON'T strive for any MORE "perfection" in your
use
> of English!  You come across as so very fluent and comfortable as you use
the
> language NOW...
>
> Should YOU reach perfection, then all the REST of us will have to go back
to
> school and re-learn the language just to keep up with ya! <smile>
Besides,
> John... perfection is kinda boring and predictable and YOU wouldn't wanna
be
> thought of as THAT, would ya? (John quickly shakes his head and says, "NO
> WAY!") <giggle>
>
> Barb Mallut
> [log in to unmask]
>
> ----------
> From:   Parkinson's Information Exchange on behalf of John I Quist
> Sent:   Thursday, December 11, 1997 1:22 AM
> To:     Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
> Subject:        Re: Help comfort a panicking SO
>
> Hello Janet,
>
> > i don't mean this to cause you more anxiety
> > but is there a possibility
> > that maybe her feelings have changed since the summer romance ?
> > that maybe her reaction to the pd is an 'out' for her ?
>
> Hm, no I don't think so. At least that is NOT how her last letter
> sounded, but oh yes, I am definitely considering that it might be a fact.
>
> > [a side note to barb mallut:
> > i think by 'order' john is referring to
> > something like a 'money order' which can be used for a phone call
> > i don't think he meant that he was 'demanding' that she call him]
>
> I ddid mean order in the sense "demand", but I put the "" around it to
> indicate the fact that I did not mean it as an actual command... I am not
> that kind of a man. I wouldn't DREAM of actually commanding someone. Just
> so you all know!! I meant to convey that I, uh, my english is failing
> me, pleaded(?) asked her very insistently, to call. We have to talk about
> this, dealing with something as difficult as this by mail is just not an
> option, I think.
>
> > you cannot 'make her understand'
> > all you can do is present information to her
> > and allow her to digest it and make up her own mind
>
> Good, heavens, is that how I sound???
> No, no, no.... Again, I am not the kind of person who demands, bullies
> and coerces the people around me. Of course I let her make her own mind
> up, I'm no monster. How could I force her to love me?? That cannot be
> done, I know that. I was simply trying to say that I am trying to give
> her a more nuanced image of PD, and by that I hope I can 'make' her
> understasnd that it isn't a death sentence.
>
> I think this is a problem with my English. I don't know enough to really
> get all the nuances right! So, everybody please understand that I AM a
> foreigner, I do not speak English as my "main" language! I might seem
> pretty fluent, but when it comes to the tone of a letter, it's hard for
> me to be as precise as I would wish.
>
> > there is always hope
> > but the situation with pd now is at its brightest ever
>
> Yup, that's what I was trying to "make" Esther understand... ;)
>
> > i have every right to my feelings, as all of us do,
> > but if they are based on a false premise or a distorted viewpoint
> > then they are invalid and unjustified
> > and potentially harmful
>
> Indeed.
>
> > after diagnosis and after learning more about pd
> > the fear has vanished
> > i remain hopeful and even excited about the future
>
> Exactly the point I was trying to convey in my letter to Esther. She is
> fearful about me becoming as ill as her grandfather was when he died ten
> years ago.
>
> > >...BUT John, let her find herself because
> > >IF she is the right girl for you she will tell you...
>
> Yes, re-reading her letter shows that even though she is very very
afraid,
> she loves me very much. She cares about me, and actually she says that
> she wants to share her life with me whatever it will be like. I just
> didn't take that in when reading about her fear. I have hope for us,
still.
>
> > and with camilla:
> > >... waiting this out is terribly hard!
> > >But it sounds like she needs time to adjust her thinking
> > >-- and of course her feelings -- to the new situation ...
>
> Yes, I do think so too. I mean, I have had over a year to adapt to the
> thought of having a potentially crippling disease, first MS, now PD. It
> will of course be a (long) while before she comes through this. I just
> wish I could be close to her when she needs my support so much!
>
> > and with barb:
> > >... she should think about HERSELF
> > >before she thinks about YOU ...
>
> Yes to that too. At first those words sound harsh(?), but of course that
> is the way it must be! She must think about what this might mean for her
> life, and if she really wants to live with me. I wouldn't want it any
> other way. I don't want her to choose me out of some misguided feeling of
> duty! Oh, no.
>
> > it strikes me right now
> > that the reverse of this applies to you
> > you have to think of yourself first as well
> >
> > if she still loves you, great...
> > but your happiness cannot be dependent on her [or anyone else] loving
you
>
> :) You know, that's exactly what my psychologist told me the day before
> yesterday! That's something that has grown in me during the last half
> year, and I am starting to take it into my heart, finally.
> It would be fantaastic if she really wants me, but I know I can live by
> myself and have a good life even if she doesn't. It would be hard to lose
> someone as wonderful as Esther, but that is the way it is sometimes....
>
> > as novices
> > we think we're entirely responsible
> > for the way people treat us
> > i have long since learned
> > that we are responsible
> > only for the way we treat people
> >
> >       rose lane
>
> I liked that one. It is true.
>
> Hugs to you all. I might not answer all your letters at once (I'm at work
> right now, and I should get back to what I'm supposed to do) but I will,
> in time. Thank you all for caring, and please remember that if my wording
> sounds hard, it might be because I do not have full mastery of the
> English language...
>
> /John