> * If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
> * For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never  opened, small stain.
> * Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
> * Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
> * I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
> * I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
> * Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
> * Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
> * Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
> * I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
> * I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
> * I intend to live forever - so far, so good
> * I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
> * If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
> * Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
> * Mind Like  A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
> * Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
> * Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
> * Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
> * The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
> * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
> * Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
> * If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
> * Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
> * 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
> * If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
>   something.
> * Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
> * When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
> * Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
> * If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
> * Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
> * What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
> * Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
> * I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
> * I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
> * Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
> * How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
> * Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
> * Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
> * Wear short sleeves!  Support your right to bare arms!
> * OK, so what's the speed of dark?
> * Black holes are where God divided by zero.
> * All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
> * I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.