hi cyber-dad

you wrote:
>got some new picks on my web page that asked for.
>as time goes on more will be added
>to get there
>http://wcoil.com/~flash
>the reason i don"t sent them is lot don't like to get them.
>i like to get family pics as i print tme out
>oh i did not get the name of the witch
>let know who you are.
>as i am putting place on my wall of family pics.
>silly old man i am eat my spinach.

i don't have any pictures that have been scanned for computer use
but as soon as i do, i will send one to you
so as to make sure i get included
in your family picture wall!

and then your lousy spelling keyboard wrote
[and i neatened]:

>all the talk of suicide
>is making it hard for me to keep
>MR PD OUT OF MY LIFE

none of us discussing clinical depression and suicide
intend to cause anyone upset or worry

i think
no, i know,
that we, as a society,
have been brainwashed [brain-stained] into 'putting on a happy face'
at the terrible expense of learning how to express
and, even more important, to deal with
our negative emotions

in my opinion
the result has been
a certain ease and comfort in expressing
joy, happiness, love, tenderness, pride, et cetera
and
a definite discomfort and even avoidance in expressing
grief, fear, pain, anger, shame, et cetera

we tend to fear anything that we don't know or understand
such as any negative emotions
their sharing
their expression
even their existence
in others
but especially
in us

my intimate acquaintance with clinical depression
has forced my hand
so to speak

when cd affects my general day to day functioning
and my normally chirpy and goofy outlook
i have to sit down and dig deep
in spite of the fear

because the causes of the fear
the negative emotions i've been avoiding or repressing
will not just 'go away'
if they are ignored
nooooooo
they fester in the darkness
and will grow in direct proportion
to the energy i expend in attempting to suppress them
and so contribute to the downward spiral in cd's brain chemistry

as i see it, the only way to truly 'deal' with them [when we are ready to]
[regardless of whether we have clinical depression or not]
is to drag them [kicking and screaming if necessary]
out of the dark
and into the light
where they can be exposed
for the inflated imposters that they generally are

one school of thought describes those fears
as sure signs of mental health
only the truly crazy
are fearless [!]

life itself is a miracle
birth is a miracle
why can't death be a miracle as well?
it's all part of the same miraculous process

i don't mean that we should be happy to lose anyone to death
but maybe it doesn't warrant all the pain and fear
that we have attached to it

we celebrate the arrival and 'well-come' in a birth
why can we not celebrate the parting and 'fare-well' in a death?

[e.g. dr. benjamin spock, the child-care guru, who recently died,
requested that his funeral be full of music and dancing and so it was]

if, instead of death,
it's pain and suffering that we fear,
our miraculous bodies are designed to 'shut down' in one way or another
as soon as any pain becomes too much for us to bear;
we have a built-in breaker-switch!

>as you know i wanted to
>but judith, camilla and sonia helped me through it.

i've read that people who have unsuccessfully attempted suicide
almost always experience a spiritual turn-around as a result
and are as happy and peace-full afterwards
as they were sad and pain-full before

maybe an attempt at suicide is simply a non-vocal cry for help
since we've not learned how to speak the words?

>as i once said we all have a tough time with pd.
>even me with all years i have had it
>i say 26 years, neuro says 32 years
>janet and barb also helped
>are we helping or harming
>by talking so much about it on the list?

as far as i can tell
talking about it can only help
not talking about it can only harm
avoiding the subject doesn't make it go away
sharing our feelings about it puts it into perspective
and helps dispel the murk and the fear surrounding it

>as of now i am having trouble
>in understand things and remembering.

it may appear so to you, cyber-dad, but from my vantage point,
you understand and remember
the important stuff!

>i won't tell what meds i take.
>but want to tell what all we can do if we try

your message comes through bright and clear!

>i am supposed to use a wheel chair but i won't
>i fall a lot and my legs hurt but i will win

see what i mean?
if anyone on this list is full of spunk, it's you!
[must be all that spinach!]

>guess this is all for now
>C U [see you] all later

your message rang some bells in my own head
and i felt compelled to write this
i hope it helps


with love

sis