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Here's another from my cousin. Hope you enjoy.

Bonnie

In a message dated 98-04-04 17:10:53 EST, [log in to unmask] writes:

>
>  >                 TEXAS RULES OF ETIQUETTE
>  >
>  > PERSONAL HYGIENE
>  >
>  > 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
>  be
>  > done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
>  >
>  > 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
>  However,
>  > if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
>  >
>  > 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
>  tend to
>  > detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
>  >
>  > DINING OUT
>  >
>  > 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
>  > slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
>  >
>  > 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
>  fingers
>  > covering the label.
>  >
>  > ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
>  >
>  > 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
>  > taxidermist.
>  >
>  > 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
>  manners
>  > are.
>  >
>  > DATING (Outside the Family)
>  >
>  > 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
>  >
>  > 2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.  Some
>  will say
>  > 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is
>  the
>  > man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
>  >
>  > THEATER ETIQUETTE
>  >
>  > 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
>  > after the movie has ended.
>  >
>  > 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
>  they
>  > can't hear you.
>  >
>  > WEDDINGS
>  >
>  > 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
>  >
>  > 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
>  >
>  > 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
>  cummerbund and
>  > a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
>  >
>  > 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
>  occasion.
>  >
>  > DRIVING ETIQUETTE
>  >
>  > 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
>  loaded,
>  > and the deer is in sight.
>  >
>  > 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
>  > always has the right of way.
>  >
>  > 3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
>  >
>  > 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
>  to
>  > ask her to bring back beer.
>  >
>  > 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when
>  driving.
>  >
>  > 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
>  >
>  > TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
>  >
>  > 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
>  >
>  > 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
>  >
>  > 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
>  >
>  > 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
>  >
>  > 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
>  still
>  > considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
>
>


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Subject: TEXAS RULES OF ETIQUETTE]
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>                 TEXAS RULES OF ETIQUETTE
>
> PERSONAL HYGIENE
>
> 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
be
> done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
>
> 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
However,
> if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
>
> 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to
> detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the tastes of finger foods.
>
> DINING OUT
>
> 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
> slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
>
> 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers
> covering the label.
>
> ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
>
> 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> taxidermist.
>
> 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
manners
> are.
>
> DATING (Outside the Family)
>
> 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
>
> 2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back.  Some
will say
> 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is
the
> man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
>
> THEATER ETIQUETTE
>
> 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
> after the movie has ended.
>
> 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they
> can't hear you.
>
> WEDDINGS
>
> 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
>
> 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
>
> 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
cummerbund and
> a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
>
> 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
occasion.
>
> DRIVING ETIQUETTE
>
> 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
loaded,
> and the deer is in sight.
>
> 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
> always has the right of way.
>
> 3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
>
> 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
to
> ask her to bring back beer.
>
> 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when
driving.
>
> 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
>
> TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
>
> 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
>
> 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
>
> 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
>
> 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
>
> 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still
> considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.





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