Some good engineer jokes toward the end.
-----Original Message-----

Subject: Monday Morning Funnies


>> > IF WOMEN RULED THE WORLD...
>> >
>> > ...Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.
>> >
>> > ...PMS would be a legitimate defense in court.
>> >
>> > ...Men would get reputations for sleeping around.
>> >
>> > ...Singles bars would have metal detectors to weed out men hiding
>> > wedding
>> > rings in their pockets.
>> >
>> > ...A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because
>> > he is
>> > breathing.
>> >
>> > ...Fewer women would be dieting because their ideal weight standard
>> > would
>> > increase by 40 pounds.
>> >
>> > ...Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity.
>> >
>> > ..."Ms." Magazine would have an annual swimsuit issue featuring
>> > scantily
>> > clad male models.
>> >
>> > ...Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice as hard
>> > for
>> > none of the credit.
>> >
>> > ...Little girls would read "Snow White and the Seven Hunks"
>> >
>> > ...Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women made.
>> >
>> > ...Men would bring drinks, chips, and dip to women watching soap
>> > operas.
>> >
>> > ...Men would HAVE to get Playboy for the articles, because there
>> would
>> > be
>> > no pictures.
>> >
>> > ...Men would learn phrases like: "I'm sorry," "I love you," "You're
>> > beautiful,"  "Of course you don't look fat in that outfit."
>> >
>> > ...Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their
>> > accomplishments.
>> >
>> > ...Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking.
>> >
>> > ...Men would pay as much attention to their woman as to their car.
>> >
>> > ...All toilet seats would be nailed down.
>> >
>> > ...Men would work on relationships as much as they work on their
>> > careers.
>> >
>> > ...TV news segments on sports would never run longer than one
>> minute.
>> >
>> > ...All men would be forced to spend one month in a PMS simulator.
>> >
>> > ...During mid-life crisis, men would get hot flashes and women would
>> > date
>> > 19-year-olds.
>> >
>> > ...After a baby is born, men would take a six-week paternity leave
>> to
>> > wait
>> > on their wives hand and foot.
>> >
>> > ...For basic training, soldiers would have to take care of a
>> > two-year-old
>> > for six weeks
>> >
>> > I > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> >
>> > A young punker gets on the cross-town bus. He's got spiked,
>> > multicolored
>> > hair that's green, purple, and orange. His clothes are a tattered
>> mix
>> > of
>> > leather rags. His legs are bare and he's without shoes. His entire
>> > face and
>> > body are riddled with pierced jewelry and his earrings are big,
>> bright
>> >
>> > feathers. He sits down in the only vacant seat, directly across from
>> > an old
>> > man who just glares at him for the next ten miles.
>> >
>> > Finally, the punk gets self conscious and barks at the old man:
>> "What
>> > are
>> > you looking at you old fart......didn't you ever do anything wild
>> when
>> > you
>> > were young?"
>> >
>> > Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah. Back when I was
>> > young
>> > and in the Navy, I got really drunk one night in Singapore, and had
>> > sex
>> > with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son.
>> >
>> > I >> >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers --Take One
>> > *************************************************
>> >
>> > A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a I
>> > particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's
>> with
>> > these
>> > guys?  We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"  The doctor chimed
>> > in, "I
>> > don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"  The pastor said,
>> > "Hey,
>> > here comes the greenskeeper.  Let's have a word with him."
>> >
>> > [dramatic pause]
>> >
>> > "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
>> > slow,
>> > aren't they?"  The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of
>> > blind
>> > firefighters.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
>> fire
>> > last
>> > year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
>> >
>> > The group was silent for a moment.  The pastor said, "That's so sad.
>> > I
>> > think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."  The doctor
>> said,
>> >
>> > "Good idea.  And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and
>> see
>> > if
>> > there's anything he can do for them."
>> >
>> > The engineer thought for a second and said, "Why can't these guys
>> play
>> > at
>> > night?"
>> >
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
>> > ***********************************************
>> >
>> > What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
>> > Engineers?
>> > Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
>> >
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
>> > ************************************************
>> >
>> > Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
>> > possible
>> > designers of the human body.
>> > One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer.  Just look at all the
>> > joints.''
>> > Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer.  The nervous
>> > systems
>> > many thousands of electrical connections.''
>> > The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer.  Who else would
>> run
>> > a
>> > toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
>> >
>> >
>> > Comprehending Engineers-Take Thirteen
>> > ****************************************************
>> >
>> > An engineering student was walking across campus when another
>> engineer
>> >
>> > rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.
>> > "Where did you get such a rockin' bike?"asked the first.
>> > The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday
>> > minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
>> > She
>> > threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said
>> 'Take
>> > what
>> > you want.'"
>> > The first engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice!  The clothes
>> > probably wouldn't have fit."
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >       <<RFC822.TXT>>  <<Forward.txt>>
>>
>>