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PARKINSN  July 1998, Week 1

PARKINSN July 1998, Week 1

Subject:

Not for the squimmish

From:

Bruce Anderson <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

Parkinson's Information Exchange <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Mon, 6 Jul 1998 23:32:35 -0400

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (180 lines)

I would never have made it in the field of medicine..
BBA





> The following are excerpts from various American medical
> journals.......prepare yourself, they are pretty amazing (But
> all are True)
> You have been warned!!!!
>
> INNER SKELETON
>
> A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife,
> Brazil, suffering abdominal pains. X-rays showed that she was
> carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she
> conceived a decade earlier. It had become lodged outside the
> womb and was never expelled from her body.
>
>
>
> FEMALE SOFA
> A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in the hospital.
> During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
> her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts,
> and a remote control was found lodged between the
> folds of her vulva.
>
>
>
> OUCH!
>
> A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in
> blood restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and
> the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to
> doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic
> dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to
> administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an
> epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the
> man's member and wrench it from side to side. In agony and
> desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the
> head until she let go.
>
>
>
> BABY CHICKEN
>
> A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room
> complaining of abdominal pains. During an examination,
> doctors found that the woman's labia were
> pinned together with old safety pins. Further inside, they
> found the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman
> explained that she inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that
> they would grow into a baby.
>
>
>
> SEX EDUCATION
>
> A Californian doctor examining a young woman with abdominal
> pains asked her if she was sexually active. She said that she
> wasn't. A later examination showed that she was pregnant. Asked why
> she said that she was not sexually active, the woman replied
> "I'm not, I just lie there." When asked if she knew who the
> father was, with a puzzled look she replied, "No. Who?"
>
>
>
> BLIND DRUNK
>
> A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe
> pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that
> they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in.
> A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success.
> Finally,
> a doctor examined him and discovered that the man did not have his
> contact
> lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his
> cornea.
>
>
>
> GROWING SEASON
>
> An old woman in a North Carolina ER complained of green vines
> growing from her vagina. Investigation revealed a large potato
> trapped in her womb. The woman then suddenly remembered
> that she had inserted it two weeks previously, because she
> thought that her uterus was falling out.
>
>
>
> PRICKLY PAIR
>
> In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his
> penis. He complained that his wife had "a rat in her pussy" and
> it bit him during sex. After an examination of his wife, if was
> revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
> recent
> hysterectomy.
>
>
>
> LAST STAND
>
> A Cambridge man hobbled into the ER complaining of a permanent
> erection. He admitted to doctors that while on holiday in Cuba,
> he frequented many brothels, and in one he was given some erectile
> cream to keep him hard. He was told to use it sparingly.
> However, since he was having so much fun, he kept using more
> and more. By the time he came to the ER, all the blood
> vessels in his penis were swollen and his testicles had
> ballooned in size. Doctors could do nothing except prescribe pain
> killers,
> and told him that it would return to flaccidity in a few days.
> They also told him to enjoy his erection while
> it lasted, because it was going to be his last.
>
>
>
> JUICY LUCY
>
> In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her
> vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the
> diaphragm that her doctor had recently given her. "I followed
> all the instructions to the letter,"
> she told her doctor, "and used it with the jelly." When asked
> which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "Grape."
>
>
>
> BRUSH AFTER MEALS
>
> A very hygienic patient was being treated by two nurses for
> a burst vein in his stomach. While changing the dressing, one
> of the nurses screamed. They saw maggots crawling down the man's
> chest.
> They had been breeding between his teeth, and smelling the
> open wound, decided to feed further down his body.
>
>
>
> CALL THE BUM SQUAD!
>
> A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a
> hemorrhoid problem. One painful pile would often hang
> down from the man's anus and he was in the habit of pushing
> it back up with an artillery shell. On this occasion,
> the shell got stuck. Doctors were going to remove it but the
> man told them the shell was still live. So the hospital called
> in the army bomb disposal squad, who built a lead box around
> the man's anus to defuse the shell so it could be removed.
>
>
>
> KLINGONS AROUND URANUS
>
> A 20 year old man came to the ER with a stony mass in his
> rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling
> around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea
> of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel. The
> concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under
> general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum
> was removed........................along with a stray Ping-Pong ball.
>
>
>
> **********************************************************************
> *************
> Bear Stearns is not responsible for any recommendation, solicitation,
> offer or
> agreement or any information about any transaction, customer account
> or account
> activity contained in this communication.
> **********************************************************************
> *************
>
>
>

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December 1999, Week 5
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