hi all

i have had several conversations with cyber-siblings
in re clinical depression [cd] recently.
i've included parts of one below;
i think it is important to share the details
of the process involved in turning cd around

while mulling about our miraculous list-family
and the commune-ication it provides
i started doing some math:

assuming that all on-line cyber-siblings are pwp or parkies = 1600
assuming that 50% of them are male = 800
assuming that 50% of them have cd = 400
assuming that 10% of them [men! hah!] are getting treatment for cd = 40
which leaves an assumed number of 360
members of our list-family
who may be struggling alone with
'the common cold' of psychiatric disorders / chemical imbalances

anyone mired in cd usually thinks s/he is alone in the anguish;
another lie created by the distorted thinking of cd

what a waste of perfectly good human energy and strength!


your cyber-sibling in struggling

janet


-------------------------------
Subject: fishing for gold

hi sibling!

you wrote:
>...i have.. been having a hard time with clinical depression.
>i'm not done yet but i think that
>my swim up and outta the morass of gloom has begun.

yowza!
i'll betcha your BDI score has already started shrinking!

>...my feelings of aloneness have been lessened
>by your caring acceptance.  i've truly needed to feel accepted
>[to regard as true; to believe in [american heritage dictionary]]

we are all 'true'
we are all perfect as we are
we don't need anyone else to validate our own truth
but fully realising that takes some time
it took me 50 years, after all!!

and you know what the irony here is, for me, at least?
it took the pain and work of dealing with cd
to drag me to this point of clarity
i would not have re-cognised it
otherwise

i truly believe that cd is my big lesson while i'm here
learning how to see it for what it is
learning how to smack its monkeys
[automatic negative thoughts] upside the head
helping others to learn that they have the power to do the same

>the insidiousness of cd is overwhelming when
>allowed to take over and control one's thoughts.
>i felt like a goldfish trying to develop the bowl in which i lived
>the need was desperate because
>without the bowl to hold the water the goldfish will die.
>the rub is that it just can't be done from within the bowl.
>i didn't know how to get outside the bowl
>so that i could begin to create it.

hmmmmm
i think the idea that 'it can't be done from within the bowl"
is the great lie of our age

you "don't know how" to get outside the bowl
because it's an impossible task

however,
you [and we] have been made to think that it not only is possible
but that you have a character flaw if you cannot accomplish it

we have all been brainwashed and brainstained
into thinking of ourselves
as "sinners",
as "unworthy",
as "deserving" of joy
only
in the next life after we "prove" ourselves
in this one

lies all lies

j.c.'s true words,
and the buddha's,
and lao tse's,
and any other genuine prophet who has graced our planet
have all said the same things over and over
but the purity and simplicity of their
messages have been
muddied and sullied
into needless
complexity

>your loving care has been a life line for me.
>a line to grasp so that i can begin to climb...

wow
...the reason "getting outside of the bowl" is an impossible task
is because it [the bowl] does not exist

you can breathe water and live
you can breathe air and live
you can breathe and live
you can breathe
you can live
you are

>...i have read your many posts .. and .. will ..
>read and re-read [them] time and again...

exactly!

when i am compelled to write these things, i am tapped into something
that i have only just dis-covered in me
reading them
and re-reading them
is a need and a pleasure for me too

>...now, if only the medicine would kick in
>so that the blessed sunshine of clarity of thought
>will chase away the gloom of cd...

aaahhh!
i think we are 'given' the gloom:
1. as a test / task to learn from
2. in the degree suited to our ability to deal with it
3. in order that we will fully re-cognise the sunshine next time it warms us


with much love

janet

-------------------------------
Subject: catching up

hi sibling!

you wrote
>i have a 10:00 appointment with the therapist tomorrow...
>this cd is with a doubt the hardest thing i've ever encountered
>in my life...i figure that i've had it for years and recent events
>just brought it all to a head and i couldn't keep things in any longer...

if you figure you've had it for years
it's dug in and firmly established and needs aggressive treatment
to correct the chemical imbalance

i believe that pd makes me extra prone to cd
but i also think there is a genetic aspect with me as well

when i felt like prozac wasn't 'working anymore' last spring
[at 20mg per day, 40mg during stressful periods]
i went to my gp, since my 'shrink' had left the island

he was very cautious
and was reluctant to increase the prozac
without my seeing another 'shrink' - so i did...
and she instantly, no hesitation, bumped it up to 60mg per day!
which started having an effect on me in a couple of weeks

prozac and the other newer anti-depressants are 'easy'
for any old medico to prescribe almost as a 'cure-all'
but a professional [a specialist] who is familiar
with the chemical imbalances
and all the alternative meds
needs to be brought in to deal seriously with cd

you say it's been building up for a long time
it's going to take some time to turn it around
not the same length of time, certainly,
but patience is needed

this is a trick i started using on myself:
try to focus on your negative thoughts and then flip them 180 degrees
e.g. the negative thought
"heck, i'm taking this 'magic cure' med
and it's not working!"
can be flipped into
"hey i'm taking this new medication!
i've taken a major step in turning this around!"

or
"This CD is with a doubt the hardest things
I've ever encountered in my life [implied - i doubt that i can handle it]"
can be flipped into
"this is the biggest challenge i've ever faced;
maybe it has come out now because
i'm finally ready or able to deal with it"

during this 'limbo' period.....

[and it is just that - a specific stretch of time with a beginning and an end]
in spite of a daunting chemical imbalance,
you have initiated this period of transition
with a very positive, self-loving step
and it will end
with the chemicals balanced and more love for yourself
and all of this planet's other creations than you can even imagine right now

>I keep trying to figure out if the medicine will
>help keep the negative thoughts away.

the 'figuring out' is an endless circle / spiral of doubt
wearing a 'monkey' costume!

my cue here is "...if the medicine will.."
no ifs
period
a medicine will blow the fog away
if not this one then another one

so it's not a matter of 'if' at all
it is simply a matter of when

that's the reason the 'monkeys' are getting louder
they have seen the writing on the wall
as embodied in your self-loving
actions

>they are so pervasive now that, at times, it scares me.
>i really don't like the suicidal thoughts at all
>but i can't seem to keep them from creeping in.

just because you can't keep them from creeping in
doesn't mean they are not distorted false lying 'monkeys'

>i'd truly rather be done [with life]

there's no 'truly' about this atall!
it's nowhere near any truth
it's another lying 'monkey'
coating your thoughts and your emotions with slime

>but know that there's no way
>i could turn the wishes into action.
>it just makes me feel more trapped.

again
just because you 'feel' trapped
doesn't mean that you 'are' -
that is cognitive distortion number 7
per dr david burns' book

>this is flat hard to deal with...

yep
it hurts like hell
and narrows your focus down so tight
that you can hardly see anything else
but believe me
you'll be treated to a panoramic view
with just a little more time

>maybe soon relief will come into my house.

maybe soon
maybe a tad later
the timing is difficult to predict
but the relief is on its way
the very instant you had the gumption to ask for it
it started its journey and it cannot be stopped

>thank you for the encouragement.  the doctor says to just wait
>for the meds to work.  one says it'll take a month or 6 weeks.
>logically, that's not very long...
>emotionally, it's an eternity...
>and i wonder if i can keep on keeping on without any relief.
>and then i do....

of course you do
because the gumptious [!] one inside you
has discovered his own small voice...
let him speak...


janet

-------------------------------

a new voice - http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/janet/index.htm
janet paterson - 51/10 - endocarb/selegiline/fluoxetine
almonte/ontario/canada - [log in to unmask]