Janet:
I have depression that has been overwhelming at times, especially since I
also have PD.  I finally put myself in the hospital about a month ago. After
that, I attended a day-hospital program in a group setting - an effective
support group!  I'm taking Pacil and have had only one side effect - my eyes
get tired at times and I have a problem with eyes closing for no apparent
reason and I am unable to open them.  This may have something to do with my
other meds (Sinemet, Florinef, Zyprexa, and Ranitidine). I think I might be
over medicated.  Will see my doc this Friday.  Will be seeing my doc in
Boston next week as a follow-up after 2 palidotomies, which have been quite
successful.
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>From: Janet Paterson <[log in to unmask]>
>To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Re: CD Follow up
>Date: Wed, Jul 8, 1998, 3:36 PM
>

>hi jeff
>
>you wrote in part:
>>...The anti-depressant is now working 100%
>>so the chemical imbalance that is CD has now been corrected.
>>...I am slowly replacing self-destructive paradigms
>>closely held for many years. These are paradigms that
>>affected my self worth and my ability to socialize with others.
>
>well, well, well, ain't it grand what a little chemistry can do!
>
>my dear jeff, you have presented living and vibrant proof to us
>that clinical depression is a chemical imbalance
>and not a 'mental disorder'
>
>and that no-one need feel
>that they themselves are 'to blame' or 'weak-willed'
>for sinking into the slimey emotional mud hole of clinical depression
>
>this picky person hopes
>that you mean 'self-esteem' and not 'self-worth' here;
>
>my perception of 'self-esteem' is that it is
>the way we regard or care for or love ourselves
>[our regard = our perception = subject to distortion]
>and
>my perception of 'self-worth' is that it is
>a given
>aka a gift
>aka inherent
>aka intrinsic
>aka non-negotiable
>aka 'i was like this when i got here'
>aka 'i may do lousy things, but i myself am not a lousy person'
>
>>In the midst of the climb out of the morass of CD,
>>I started looking at me.
>>This was something that I had not done in the past
>>because I didn't like what I saw.
>>I knew that something had to change
>>and the only thing I could possibly change was me
>>so I looked.  I began to discover things inherently me and,
>>amazingly enough, began to like what I saw.
>>I spent much time dwelling on these things
>>because the mind can only think of one thing at a time
>>and if I filled it with things good and pure, things
>>negative and destructive had no place to rest.
>>This was a difficult process
>>but I knew that the expected result was worth the effort.
>>
>>Today, I am no longer dealing with a chemical imbalance.
>
>thanks to pharmaceutical advances!
>
>some people think that
>there is something inherently
>'weak' or 'dependent' about taking any medications of any kind
>but as i see it, that's just another distorted thought
>[part of the perfectionistic school]
>with cd they might think it's something they can 'grow out of'
>something they won't need once they are 'strong enough'
>
>that may or may not be true of any of us
>
>if you've had cd all your life [as i believe that i have]
>your chemistry may be permanently altered [like a diabetic]
>or maybe not
>
>>... I began exercising...
>>... now wear a size 34 pant rather than the size 38 I was wearing...
>>... have no problem riding 50 to 60 miles.
>>... I started yoga classes...
>>... I've begun to take violin lessons...
>>... I don't need to see my therapist regularly any longer.
>
>we can enjoy, relish, take humble pride [?] in, even delightedly flaunt,
>those things in us that we perceive as 'strengths'
>but that doesn't mean that
>those things in us that we perceive as 'weaknesses'
>are to be dismissed, hidden, 'corrected' or otherwise dispensed with
>
>i am starting to learn to 'accept'
>[in the most welcoming, open, generous, tender sense of the word]
>both my strengths and my weaknesses as shadings of me
>as gifts given to me as part of this grand lesson
>they are both aspects of the same miracle
>which is
>life
>
>>The bottom line is that CD is eminently treatable and anyone
>>... suffering from this very insidious disease can get help.
>
>jeff, would you mind sharing a bit more of the process you went through
>to get from your first message to this one?
>
>e.g.
>how long have you been on medication?
>did you have any side effects from the meds?
>how often did/do you see your therapist?
>how did you locate him/her?
>
>perceiving cd's existence may be difficult
>examining its causes may be both excruciating and enlightening
>but as the light at the end of the tunnel nears
>i dis-cover
>me
>
>
>with love
>
>janet
>
>
>a new voice: http://www.newcountry.nu/pd/members/janet/index.htm
>51/10 - endocarb/selegiline/fluoxetine - [log in to unmask]
>janet paterson