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		LISTSERV Archives
		PARKINSN Home
		PARKINSN November 1998, Week 3
Subject:
Those easily offended by "lawyer" jokes - BEWARE! Others: Enjoy.. :)
From:
Sharon Starr <[log in to unmask]>
Reply-To:
Parkinson's Information Exchange <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Tue, 17 Nov 1998 18:01:17 -0700
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>>  Why do people love to tell lawyer jokes? There is something
>>  about this respected profession that commands our
>>  disrespect. One must always be careful about offending
>>  lawyers, of course, because you wouldn't want to face one in
>>  court. Or would you?
>>
>>  Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses
>>  in the court room. Perhaps they ain't so bright after
>>  all....
>>
>>
>>  1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
>>  sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
>>
>>  2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
>>
>>  3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
>>
>>  4. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
>>  check for a pulse?"
>>      A: "No."
>>      Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
>>      A: "No."
>>      Q: "Did you check for breathing?"
>>      A: "No."
>>      Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
>>          when you began the autopsy?"
>>      A: "No."
>>      Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
>>      A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
>>      Q: "But could the patient have still been alive
>>          nevertheless?"
>>      A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and
>>          practicing law somewhere."
>>
>>  5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the
>>  war?"
>>
>>  6. "Did he kill you?"
>>
>>  7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
>>  collision?"
>>
>>  8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
>>
>>  9. "How many times have you committed suicide?"
>>
>>  10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
>>  8th?"
>>      A: "Yes."
>>      Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
>>
>>  11. Q: "She had three children, right?"
>>      A: "Yes."
>>      Q: "How many were boys?"
>>      A: "None."
>>      Q: "Were there any girls?"
>>
>>  12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
>>      A: "Yes."
>>      Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
>>
>>  13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate
>>  honeymoon, didn't  you?"
>>      A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
>>      Q: "And you took your new wife?"
>>
>>  14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
>>      A: "By death."
>>      Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
>>
>>  15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
>>      A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
>>      Q: "Was this a male, or a female?"
>>
>>  16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>>  deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
>>      A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
>>
>>  17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
>>  dead people?"
>>      A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
>>
>>  18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK?  What school
>>  did you go to?"
>>      A: "Oral."
>>
>>  19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
>>      A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
>>      Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
>>      A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
>>  doing an autopsy."
>>
>>  20. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
>>      A: "I have been since early childhood."
>>
>>
>


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<DIV>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; Why do people love to tell lawyer jokes? There is=20
something<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; about this respected profession that =
commands=20
our<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; disrespect. One must always be careful about=20
offending<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; lawyers, of course, because you wouldn't =
want to=20
face one in<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; court. Or would =
you?<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;=20
Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and =
witnesses<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;=20
in the court room. Perhaps they ain't so bright after<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;=20
all....<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 1. &quot;Now doctor, =
isn't it=20
true that when a person dies in his<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; sleep, he doesn't =
know=20
about it until the next morning?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 2.=20
&quot;The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is=20
he?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 3. &quot;Were you present when =
your=20
picture was taken?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 4. Q: =
&quot;Doctor,=20
before you performed the autopsy, did you<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; check for a=20
pulse?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;No.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;Did =
you check=20
for blood pressure?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;No.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;Did =
you check=20
for breathing?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;No.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;So, =
then it=20
is possible that the patient was=20
alive<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; =
when you=20
began the autopsy?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;No.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;How =
can you=20
be so sure, Doctor?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a=20
jar.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;But could =
the=20
patient have still been=20
alive<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;=20
nevertheless?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A: =
&quot;It is=20
possible that he could have been alive=20
and<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; =
practicing=20
law somewhere.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 5. &quot;Was it you =
or your=20
younger brother who was killed in the<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;=20
war?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 6. &quot;Did he kill=20
you?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 7. &quot;How far apart were the =

vehicles at the time of the<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;=20
collision?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 8. &quot;You were there =
until the=20
time you left, is that true?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 9. =
&quot;How=20
many times have you committed =
suicide?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 10.=20
Q: &quot;So the date of conception (of the baby) was =
August<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;=20
8th?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;Yes.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;And =
what=20
were you doing at that time?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 11. Q:=20
&quot;She had three children,=20
right?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;Yes.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;How =
many=20
were boys?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;None.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: =
&quot;Were there=20
any girls?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 12. Q: &quot;You say the =
stairs=20
went down to the =
basement?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;Yes.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;And =
these=20
stairs, did they go up also?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 13. Q:=20
&quot;Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; =
honeymoon,=20
didn't&nbsp; you?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A: =
&quot;I=20
went to Europe, Sir.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q:=20
&quot;And you took your new wife?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; =
14. Q:=20
&quot;How was your first marriage=20
terminated?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A: &quot;By=20
death.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;And by =
who's=20
death was it terminated?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 15. Q: =
&quot;Can=20
you describe the =
individual?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;He was about medium height and had a=20
beard.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;Was this =
a male,=20
or a female?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 16. Q: &quot;Is your =
appearance=20
here this morning pursuant to a<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; deposition notice =
which I sent=20
to your attorney?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A: =
&quot;No,=20
this is how I dress when I go to =
work.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 17.=20
Q: &quot;Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed =
on<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; dead=20
people?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A: &quot;All my=20
autopsies are performed on dead =
people.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 18.=20
Q: &quot;All your responses must be oral, OK?&nbsp; What=20
school<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; did you go=20
to?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A:=20
&quot;Oral.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 19. Q: &quot;Do you =
recall the=20
time that you examined the =
body?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;=20
A: &quot;The autopsy started around 8:30=20
p.m..&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Q: &quot;And Mr.=20
Dennington was dead at the =
time?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;=20
A: &quot;No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I =
was<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;=20
doing an autopsy.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp; 20. Q: &quot;Are =
you=20
qualified to give a urine=20
sample?&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A: &quot;I have =
been=20
since early=20
childhood.&quot;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;&gt;<BR>&gt;<BR></DIV></BODY></HTML>

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