For those of ya who're fans of that wonderfully entertaining and endearing
TV sitcom, "The Golden Girls," is it my imagination, or does "Parkinsaw, MI"
bear a striking resemblance to Rose's beloved and oft-mentioned hometown of
"St.. Olaf," Minnesota? <smile>

Barb Mallut
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-----Original Message-----
From: john bjork <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Sunday, March 14, 1999 6:43 AM
Subject: PD Humor from Parkinsaw, MI; "A View from the Lighter Side"
(3/14/99)


>March 14, 1999
>"A View from the Lighter Side"
>PD Humor from Parkinsaw, MI
>An Imaginary PWP Community
>
>Well, here we are Mid-March in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, and the ice
>is finally moving out of the bay, which means spring is not far behind.
>March is an interesting month: We have March-Madness and all that goes
>with the NCAA basketball tournament; we have poetry, "Beware the Pox as
>well the Ides, and the man with the box of color slides", and we have
>preparation for the April 11th World Parkinson's Disease Day
>celebration.  We're planning a parade, veggie-brats with low-protein
>(and low taste!) and lots of cold beer from the Northern Lights
>microbrewery.  And, of course, the Dopaminos will be playing their own
>special oldies but goodies, like "You tell me your genes Dear, and I'll
>tell you mine."
>
>As one rabbit around here said to another, "I'm having a Bad Hare Day."
>It all started when my drugs refused to kick in this morning.  I hate it
>when that happens.  When it takes me 20 minutes to remove those wire
>ties they seal bread packages with, I know I'm in for rough one.  I hope
>the wife doesn't find the loaf I stomped on in a fit of rage. Oh well,
>at least I got the package open.  I'll give the rest to the birds.
>
>Chubby LaBarre, president of Sty-King, which promotes a more positive
>image of the lowly pig, in view of the significant role pig cell
>transportation is playing in finding a cure for PD, has scheduled a
>strategy meeting later this week at the Pancake House.  Chubby invited
>Carl and Porcine, the World's Only Dancing Flamenco pig, to play and
>dance some Flamenco tunes for us, so it should be fun.    Nothing new on
>the rumor that Miss Piggy had agreed to be the "Pin-up Porker" for the
>Sty-King campaign.  The choice for official fight song for the promotion
>has been narrowed down to two:  "This could be the start of something
>Pig", and "Pig of my Heart."  Chubby will make the call sometime next
>week.
>
>Many loyal, hard-working Parkinsonians, picking up on an idea seen on
>the Internet, have been busy collecting Pennies for Parkinson's, and
>have accumulated some coin already to donate to the State PDF
>fund-raising program.  We've informed the State PDF Office of our
>commitment to help during the World Awareness Day, but we've heard
>nothing back yet.  Our goal is modest but where do we send all those
>pennies?
>
>The new Northern Lights microbrewery has been a huge success here in
>Parkinsaw.  The most popular beer by far has been Levolager.  Old
>Rasmussen has given up whisky since he fell down his basement stairs
>after getting overly tight a couple of days ago, but he's found a new
>friend in Levolager.  I've tried this new lager and I swear it does more
>good for my tremor than Sinemet.  The Dopaminos were great last night at
>the Basil Ganglia Lounge, as usual, and sang a brand new parody,
>"Sinemetal Journey".  "Clever, catchy, cute and corny, but carefully
>crafted", cried Cathy Carlson, "clearly counter-conventional, while
>containing contemporarily cautious, and classic-causal content,
>conveying classy connotations.  Congratulations!"   Easy for you to say,
>Cathy, easy for you to say.
>
> Researchers here still are evaluating the Florida Palmetto Bug as a
>natural predator of the Zebra Mussel.  The mussels have a
>super-efficient aquafiltration system which is gradually destroying
>plant life and fish in the Great Lakes, because when the mussels
>filter-out all the food nutrients, there's nothing left for the fish.
>Although they've been closed-mouthed about their progress, word is
>getting out that they've run into a snag: Apparently the Palmetto Bug,
>voracious as it is, displays periods of so-called  'selective appetite
>syndrome', and quite literally becomes lethargic and disinterested in
>the mollusks once on the lake bottom.   There's a theory that the
>dumber-than-dumb mussel possesses some sort of secret power that enables
>it to render its predators like the notoriously indestructible Palmetto
>Bug harmless.  If we ever get the Palmetto Bug business operation under
>way, I have the perfect slogan:  "This Bug's For You".
>
>Another exciting home-based product hit the street this week here in
>Parkinsaw: The do-it-yourself Neurological Examination Kit.  Lloyd
>Anderson (45/12), inventor of  'BE-THE-DOC' puts it this way:  "Why pay
>hundreds of dollars for a neurological exam when you can do it yourself
>with a small computer and a mirror?  Most of us have had many exams, and
>how hard is it to tell if you can touch your nose? " Here's apparently
>how it works: Using the full-length mirror (batteries not included), you
>follow the traditional exam points such as touching and moving various
>body parts, while watching how you're doing in the mirror, noting
>anything that looks "funny", like if you don't have a clue where your
>nose is.  Then you strap on a set of stereo glasses, which plugs right
>into your home computer, and run the eye analysis program which
>automatically checks for things that shouldn't be there and are, or
>should be there and are not.  Tap your feet and clap your hands. Note
>anything untoward.  Stand erect, close those baby blues and rock slowly
>back and forth.  If you loose your balance and crash into the wall,
>clean everything up and write it up.  Now, set-up the mirror at the end
>of a hall, and walk towards the mirror, carefully noting your gait, your
>arm swing, steadiness and how cool you look in those tight jeans and
>western boots.  Note any irregularities such as weaving, stumbling,
>shortness of breath, or bumping into walls.  Crank the data into the
>computer, run the program, and send a copy to your neuro for
>professional evaluation.  .
>
>Well, friends, that's it for another week from Parkinsaw, MI.  The sun
>is slowly sinking in the west, a little later each day now, and soon it
>will be dark. The deer will be coming out to look for food, those
>beautiful, gentle creatures.  In closing, remember no matter how bleak
>the sky, how hard it is to open a loaf of bread, or to type a letter, or
>to roll-over in bed, or how cruddy we feel, we simply cannot give-in to
>this disease and let it forfeit God's gift of our smile, laughter and
>sense of humor.  We'll see you next week.
>
>John R Bjork
>
>NOTE:  All "A View from the Lighter Side" Reports are now available on
>the
>Parkinsaw, MI Web Page at:  http://www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm
>