March 14, 1999
"A View from the Lighter Side"
PD Humor from Parkinsaw, MI
An Imaginary PWP Community

Well, here we are Mid-March in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, and the ice
is finally moving out of the bay, which means spring is not far behind.
March is an interesting month: We have March-Madness and all that goes
with the NCAA basketball tournament; we have poetry, "Beware the Pox as
well the Ides, and the man with the box of color slides", and we have
preparation for the April 11th World Parkinson's Disease Day
celebration.  We're planning a parade, veggie-brats with low-protein
(and low taste!) and lots of cold beer from the Northern Lights
microbrewery.  And, of course, the Dopaminos will be playing their own
special oldies but goodies, like "You tell me your genes Dear, and I'll
tell you mine."

As one rabbit around here said to another, "I'm having a Bad Hare Day."
It all started when my drugs refused to kick in this morning.  I hate it
when that happens.  When it takes me 20 minutes to remove those wire
ties they seal bread packages with, I know I'm in for rough one.  I hope
the wife doesn't find the loaf I stomped on in a fit of rage. Oh well,
at least I got the package open.  I'll give the rest to the birds.

Chubby LaBarre, president of Sty-King, which promotes a more positive
image of the lowly pig, in view of the significant role pig cell
transportation is playing in finding a cure for PD, has scheduled a
strategy meeting later this week at the Pancake House.  Chubby invited
Carl and Porcine, the World's Only Dancing Flamenco pig, to play and
dance some Flamenco tunes for us, so it should be fun.    Nothing new on
the rumor that Miss Piggy had agreed to be the "Pin-up Porker" for the
Sty-King campaign.  The choice for official fight song for the promotion
has been narrowed down to two:  "This could be the start of something
Pig", and "Pig of my Heart."  Chubby will make the call sometime next
week.

Many loyal, hard-working Parkinsonians, picking up on an idea seen on
the Internet, have been busy collecting Pennies for Parkinson's, and
have accumulated some coin already to donate to the State PDF
fund-raising program.  We've informed the State PDF Office of our
commitment to help during the World Awareness Day, but we've heard
nothing back yet.  Our goal is modest but where do we send all those
pennies?

The new Northern Lights microbrewery has been a huge success here in
Parkinsaw.  The most popular beer by far has been Levolager.  Old
Rasmussen has given up whisky since he fell down his basement stairs
after getting overly tight a couple of days ago, but he's found a new
friend in Levolager.  I've tried this new lager and I swear it does more
good for my tremor than Sinemet.  The Dopaminos were great last night at
the Basil Ganglia Lounge, as usual, and sang a brand new parody,
"Sinemetal Journey".  "Clever, catchy, cute and corny, but carefully
crafted", cried Cathy Carlson, "clearly counter-conventional, while
containing contemporarily cautious, and classic-causal content,
conveying classy connotations.  Congratulations!"   Easy for you to say,
Cathy, easy for you to say.

 Researchers here still are evaluating the Florida Palmetto Bug as a
natural predator of the Zebra Mussel.  The mussels have a
super-efficient aquafiltration system which is gradually destroying
plant life and fish in the Great Lakes, because when the mussels
filter-out all the food nutrients, there's nothing left for the fish.
Although they've been closed-mouthed about their progress, word is
getting out that they've run into a snag: Apparently the Palmetto Bug,
voracious as it is, displays periods of so-called  'selective appetite
syndrome', and quite literally becomes lethargic and disinterested in
the mollusks once on the lake bottom.   There's a theory that the
dumber-than-dumb mussel possesses some sort of secret power that enables
it to render its predators like the notoriously indestructible Palmetto
Bug harmless.  If we ever get the Palmetto Bug business operation under
way, I have the perfect slogan:  "This Bug's For You".

Another exciting home-based product hit the street this week here in
Parkinsaw: The do-it-yourself Neurological Examination Kit.  Lloyd
Anderson (45/12), inventor of  'BE-THE-DOC' puts it this way:  "Why pay
hundreds of dollars for a neurological exam when you can do it yourself
with a small computer and a mirror?  Most of us have had many exams, and
how hard is it to tell if you can touch your nose? " Here's apparently
how it works: Using the full-length mirror (batteries not included), you
follow the traditional exam points such as touching and moving various
body parts, while watching how you're doing in the mirror, noting
anything that looks "funny", like if you don't have a clue where your
nose is.  Then you strap on a set of stereo glasses, which plugs right
into your home computer, and run the eye analysis program which
automatically checks for things that shouldn't be there and are, or
should be there and are not.  Tap your feet and clap your hands. Note
anything untoward.  Stand erect, close those baby blues and rock slowly
back and forth.  If you loose your balance and crash into the wall,
clean everything up and write it up.  Now, set-up the mirror at the end
of a hall, and walk towards the mirror, carefully noting your gait, your
arm swing, steadiness and how cool you look in those tight jeans and
western boots.  Note any irregularities such as weaving, stumbling,
shortness of breath, or bumping into walls.  Crank the data into the
computer, run the program, and send a copy to your neuro for
professional evaluation.  .

Well, friends, that's it for another week from Parkinsaw, MI.  The sun
is slowly sinking in the west, a little later each day now, and soon it
will be dark. The deer will be coming out to look for food, those
beautiful, gentle creatures.  In closing, remember no matter how bleak
the sky, how hard it is to open a loaf of bread, or to type a letter, or
to roll-over in bed, or how cruddy we feel, we simply cannot give-in to
this disease and let it forfeit God's gift of our smile, laughter and
sense of humor.  We'll see you next week.

John R Bjork

NOTE:  All "A View from the Lighter Side" Reports are now available on
the
Parkinsaw, MI Web Page at:  http://www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm