Dateline:  Parkinsaw, MI
March 21, 1999
A View from the Lighter Side
(Also available at web site:  www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm)

Welcome to Parkinsaw, a certified imaginary community located in
Michigan's Upper Peninsula, populated largely by individuals stricken
with Parkinson's Disease.  Stories, situations and characters are
presented in the belief that laughter, as music of the soul, is good
medicine.  The Chamber of Commerce is waiting to serve you.

The first day of spring has finally arrived!  Unfortunately, we can't
put away our snow shovels or take off our snow tires just yet, since
they're predicting 4 inches of snow today.  And, of course, the ice is
still in the bay.  In Michigan's Upper Peninsula, we say we have two
seasons up here: winter and two months of tough sledding.

 Currently, everyone around here is excited about the arrival of World
Parkinson's Disease Day, which takes place between the 10th and 12th of
April, or, if you prefer, the 11th of April.  Also, we understand that
April is Parkinson's Disease Month.  We have a major effort underway to
get our local media to focus on four important realities of PD:  (1) The
prevalence of PD; (2) The monetary and emotional costs involved; (3) The
unrelenting pain and suffering of PWP; and  (4) that PD research is
yielding important discoveries and is considered by the National
Institutes of Health to be the "First chronic nervous degenerative
disease where we'll see a major breakthrough, with really significant
reversals of symptoms."   We also hope to get the word out that there
are over 1 million cases of PD in the U.S., with 50,000 new cases
diagnosed annually, with the cost to the country from PD estimated to be
over 25 billion dollars.  A very expensive disease indeed.

Locally,  Jake Benoit (55/45) and Charlie Johnson (53/40), two long-term
PWP residents,  who still work as plumbers part-time, finally got the
kinks out of  their newest and most exciting product, "The Shave N'
Pooper", and have setup an internet web site (www.poop n' shave.com) to
accept orders.  Basically, the Pooper is a wheeled cart designed to
allow shaving while sitting on the pot.   The standard model features a
stainless steel bowl for hot water, a hot lather dispenser, air
freshener, storage drawers for razors, blades, towels and toilet paper.
An innovative pill storage unit with timer is also included to help
ensure that the wide varieties of medicines we need are taken at the
proper intervals.  A magazine rack is also included.  The deluxe model
features upgraded appointments, a telephone, and a small television.  A
highly efficient, automatic plunger is also included.   The company
plans to donate 10% of profits to Parkinson's Research.

There has been much discussion everywhere about the causes of
Parkinson's.  We have reported before that as far as we can figure out
up this way is that it could just as well be the sub-par play of the
Detroit Tigers causing excessive pressure on dopamine producing cells as
anything else.  Still, there is the potentially adverse impact on our
brain cells from excessive exposure to the little temptations of life,
which could play a role in this matter.    For example, what about
continual consumption of Twinkies as a child, with all that sugar,
washed down by sugary soda pop and Cool Aide?   How about sniffing glue
in paper bags, which allowed you to fly your model plane after you,
built it?  And, how about Rock N' Roll?  Blame it on the Stones!  To
tell the truth I put my money on the environmental neurotoxin theory,
especially involving pesticides and copper and iron in the water
supply.  (Especially since the Upper Peninsula was once a major producer
of iron and copper ore)  In that way I don't have to worry about
listening to Mick Jaeger while I gobble down a couple of chocolate
donuts.  I've also heard it could be from faulty jeans; what, my Levis
were too ragged and frayed growing up?

Noted in the local Buyer's Guide, an old commode for sale; must be
cleaned.  Could be used as conversation piece, birdbath, ice chest,
place for a cat, fish tank, or plant pot. $10.00 OBO.You haul away.
Contact Rasmussen on Enzyme Court.

The wait is over.  Chubby LaBarre has made his selection for the
official Sty-King song for the "Improve the Pig's Image" campaign.  And
the winner is, ta-da:  "This could be the Start of Something Pig!"
Coincidentally, the Parkinsaw Medical Center Department of Neurology
announced today that they were going to expand research in the field of
fetal pig cell transplants.  Now, that could be the start of something
pig, and, in a pig way!

Recent articles tout moderate exercise as the best way to maintain good
health, and is even thought to stimulate the growth of brain cells.  Old
Jimmy Olson (68/20) had the right idea then to build his home gym.
Suffering from acute insomnia, Jimmy ordered every exercise machine he
saw on late-night television.  The only thing is that he has never
actually uses the machines, except for hanging clothes on them.  For
example, he bought a Gut B' Gone contraption last year and the first
time he tried to use it it slipped off his feet and nearly put his eye
out.  Now, the Gut B' Gone is a modern art wall hanging  mounted on his
living room wall.  Jimmy swears, though, he's going to be ready for the
Spring Parka-Thon when he defends his record in the mile walk, the ten
lap pool swim and the mile bike ride.  Jimmy was the 1998 Parkinson's
Disease Clay Man finalist, against a field of 16.  Way to go Jimmy O.

Well Friends, it's still snowing, and the deer are deep in the brush.  I
think I'll trot on over to the Basal Ganglia Steak House for one of
their Lumberjack breakfasts and coffee.   We'll talk to you downstream
next week.  Until then, don't give in to PD and forfeit God's gift of
your smile, your laugh and your sense of humor.

John Bjork  (60/20)
www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm