A View from the Lighter Side
Humorous Stories About Coping with PD
Parkinsaw, MI (Imaginary PWP Town )
April 4th, 1999  (Easter Sunday)

Welcome to Parkinsaw, an imaginary community, located in Michigan's
Upper Peninsula, populated largely by People with Parkinson's Disease
(PWP).  Stories, situations and characters are fictitious and are
presented in the belief that laughter, as music of the soul, is good
medicine.  The Chamber of Commerce is waiting to serve you.  Enjoy your
visit while you "Shuffle off to Parka, Shuffle off to Parka, Shuffle off
to Parkinsaaaw"

Well, first of all, happy Easter to one and all from everyone up here in
Parkinsaw.  We went to sunrise service this morning, and really felt
better for the experience.  It was a beautiful morning, with the rays of
the sun reflecting on the ice in the bay.

Now that spring is officially here, planning has begun for the annual
Parka-Thon, which this year promises to be the best ever.  In addition
to the athletic competition, anchored by the Clay Man Contest Triathlon,
and the popular Rolling over in Bed heats, there will be a new
competition category called Domestic Situations.   This category will
feature a Spaghetti Eating Contest, with red sauce, and Red Chianti
wine. Entrants must use a fork for the event, wear a white shirt, and
will have their own table with white tablecloth.  The person with
cleanest table cloth and shirt wins.   For the seafood lover in you, an
all-you-can-eat crab feast competition is also planned, weather
permitting.  Incidentally, although not allowed during the competition,
the new Mess-B-Gone bib, especially designed for PWP, will be on sale
with proceeds going to the Parkinson's Disease Foundation.  This item
will be a big seller, about that there is no doubt.  The event will be
sponsored by the Northern Lights microbrewery this year, and they will
be introducing their latest brew,  Parky Pilsner.    Music by the
Dopaminos, of course, who will be playing their old hits: " Just Shuffle
on By, Wait on the Corner", and "Blame it On the Levodopa."

Arnie Bergman, of the runaway snowmobile fame, appears to becoming
desperate to find a cure for his freezing-up problem, without stopping
drinking. To this end, he ordered a do-it-yourself acupuncture kit from
an ad in one of those tabloids.  Don't know much about it yet, but it
comes with five different skull caps with pre-drilled holes through
which you apply the needles.  Arnie, Arnie; what were you thinking?
Stay tuned for more, after Arnie gets his kit.

The Sty-King bunch met this week to work on promoting the pig in view of
all the positive contributions this wonderful animal has provided to PD
research and, in some limited cases, the transportation of fetal brain
cells to PD patients. Chubby LaBarre asked how they could get involved
in the Parkinson's Disease Awareness Month.   Maude Olson, who owns her
pet pig Jeeves, suggested they  'piggy-back' on what the local community
will be doing, and then develop a theme we could use to go nation-wide.
So, again Chubby LaBarre took charge.  With nostrils flaring and eyes
flashing, Chubby outlined his plan.  "What we need to do first is to
demonstrate right here in Parkinsaw just how intelligent the pig really
is, how trainable they are and how helpful they can be to those PWP who
have mobility disabilities. Then we think up a campaign slogan.
Something like 'Pigs may not be rocket scientists, but they're smart
enough to take care of you' " So, it was decided that the group would
put on a special exhibition during the World Parkinson's Awareness Month
celebration, featuring the smartest and best-trained pigs, showing the
things they can do such as searching for, and retrieving, misplaced car
keys, eye glasses, the TV remote or cell phone.  Maude pointed out that
she had already trained her pet pig to help her husband roll over in
bed, and to bring her beer from the refrigerator.  "She just pushes Andy
over with her snout."  (I wonder if that means the pig is a
'push-over'?)

 Maude suddenly sat straight up in her chair and said excitedly:
"Listen, everyone, You know about that great new idea to raise money for
PD research, "Pennies for Parkinson's?"  Oh, no, I thought, I could see
this one coming.  What next, Pigs for Parkinson's?  "Well, why not
develop our slogan to support this activity,  with a lovely picture of
our most attractive pig, but with our unique twist on it, like 'pounds
of pennies for Parkinson's.  What do you think?  We can make a bumper
sticker with that slogan,  and we could put it on the web site!"  Chubby
said "Great idea Maude,  I like  it.  How about this for the slogan:
"The Parkinsaw Pig's Pounds of Pennies for Parkinson's Program."
Everyone cheered and high-fived as the idea took shape.  "Here's how the
Program could work: We'll advertise using bumper stickers and our web
site (www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw.htm), to encourage residents, and
our friends and supporters to fill-up coffee-can size containers with
pennies (as well as other coins!), literally pounds of coins, take them
to the bank, and get a check made out to NPF.  We'll put Parkinsaw, MI
on the map."  There goes the neighborhood, I thought.  I had my own
slogan, but I remained mute: The Parkinsaw Pig says if I can donate my
brain for Parkinson's Disease Research, how about you coughing up a few
lousy pennies for the cause to help cure this terrible disease."  Not
very elegant, I do admit; blame it on the Lelodopa beer I had for lunch.

Well, good friends and neighbors, the sun is setting later in the
afternoon now, the birds and animals are all excited about spring.  Soon
the deer will be out in droves.  I've never seen a drove, incidentally,
wonder what it looks like.  And if you're up this way and out in the
brush, and you see a bear, remember you can't outrun a Michigan bear in
the woods. (Nor a Wolverine, for that matter).  Now, until next week,
don't let PD rob you of Gods gift to you of your smile, laugh and sense
of humor.

John Bjork (60/20
Parkinsaw, MI
"We May be Slow But We're Not Too Sure"