John..

Does THIS mean that instead of shelling out a
fortune to train service dogs to aid them  Parkies
what need 'em, that we can just get ourselves a
piglet and train IT to do the same services?

Well, my goodness! Can ya beat THAT? <stunned
look on gorgeous face>

One question.... I live in the Los Angeles area, and....
uhhhhh..... this IS a pretty darn image conscious city,
ESPECIALLY if one lives in or near Beverly Hills.....
ummmm... don't ya think a SERVICE PIG will FLY
(so to speak) <giggle> better in the back woods of
Michigan then it would, say , alighting from the front
passenger seat of a Rolls Royce in the Hills of
 Beverly? <wee smirk>

Barb Mallut (saluting ya with glass of Chateau d'Sinemet '91)
[log in to unmask]



-----Original Message-----
From: john bjork <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Sunday, April 18, 1999 6:58 AM
Subject: Parkinsaw, MI: A View from the Lighter Side of PD, April
18, 1999


>A View from the Lighter Side of PD
>Dateline:  Parkinsaw, MI
>April 18, 1999
>
>Good morning to one and all from this imaginary haven for
Parkinsonians,
>located in Michigan's scenic, wild and beautiful Upper Peninsula,
home
>of the Porcupine Mountains, the Soo Locks, Pictured Rocks at
Munising,
>the Tahquamenon Falls at Paradise, and the Hiawatha National
Forest.
>We're glad you're here, but our merchants are even happier.  Try
one of
>our traditional meat pies, the pasty, and a cold Levodopa premium
beer.
>
>This last week was busy indeed, with the World Parkinson's
Disease
>Awareness Month celebration here, featuring speeches, "Pennies
for
>Parkinson's" kiosks, and a small parade with many of the areas
>best-behaved pigs marching along.  The Sty-King Group held a
>demonstration of the smartest and best trained Pigs, with an
emphasis on
>showing examples of how they can be trained to help disabled
>parkinsonians.   Henry, owned by Big Jake Nelson, demonstrated
his
>usefulness as he rapidly searched, located and retrieved three
devices
>of critical value to a disabled person: TV remote controls,
portable
>telephones and car keys.  Using a modified silent dog whistle,
Big Jake
>put Henry through his paces, and the pig located and retrieved
all
>devices with no problem except for one incident when Henry ate
Jake's
>wife's hearing aid.  (Henry may make a mistake or two, but he now
has
>the keenest hearing in town.)   Next was Maude Olsen's pet pig
Jeeves,
>who had been taught to open the refrigerator, grab a beer and
bring it
>to Maude.  Jeeves did well, but the sneaky porker went back a
second
>time, and grabbed one for himself after cleverly figuring out how
to
>open it.  (Watch out Budweiser frogs!) I'll tell you, we could
have sold
>a lot of those trained pigs that afternoon.
>
>Another great Parkinsaw Product for Parkinsonians has been
introduced by
>Jake Benoit and Charlie Johnson, the inventors of the Shave 'N
Pooper.
>The ParkinSuit, made of Nylon and space age material, is all
you'll need
>to stay neat and clean at socials, bratwurst parties, anyplace
food and
>drink is served, no matter how much you spill on yourself.  This
is one
>fantastic line of clothing.  It comes in three styles:
knock-about, like
>the traditional warm-up suit; casual-elegant, when a tie is
required;
>and, the formal, black-tie model.  You'll be one cool dude with
your
>attractive, realistic-looking ties and formal assessories
hand-painted
>on your suits by native Yoopers.   A special property of the
material
>allows it to be easily washable in a sink, thrown in a dryer for
2
>minutes, and then it's ready to wear again, complete with pant
creases.
>Think of the possibilities: You're sitting at the table at a
large
>dinner party, when your tremor suddenly propels your full glass
of red
>wine all over your tuxedo.  What do you do, you ask?  Well, if
you're
>dressed in your ParkinSuit, you simply smile, and say to your
host:
>"Jim, old boy, please excuse me for a moment." Off you go to the
laundry
>room, take off the jacket and pants, rinse in the sink and watch
the
>pasta and wine stains fly off that material, pop the clothes in
the
>dryer, and 2 minutes later you're back at the table ready to
tackle the
>French onion soup.  These remarkable suits come in four popular
colors
>(black, brown, purple and navy, and in both winter and summer
weights. A
>line of women's models is being planned.
>
>Rumors abound in Parkinsaw!  Tom Shelton, just back from
Milwaukee,
>bought one of those tabloid magazines there and buried deep in
the
>magazine was a strange article about an alleged discovery of a
possible
>cure for PD.  According to the tabloid, an unspecified research
facility
>with experience in neuroprotective drugs found that excrement
from pigs
>mixed with innards extracted from the South Florida Palmetto Bugs
showed
>promise in arresting Parkinson's tremor.   The unnamed spokesman
stated
>that the fowl smelling mixture was so disgusting that it was
difficult
>to find volunteers to test it out, given the person must immerse
his
>head into a container filled with the mixture for up to 15
minutes,
>using a special breathing tube.  Sounds like a breathtaking
discovery,
>all right. Funny, I've heard several other rumors lately about
>Parkinson's Disease causes and cures on the Internet.  Must be
those
>kids again.
>
>Last week we reported on how difficult it is at times to know
that you
>have Parkinson's Disease.  To help the confused, we've identified
>another example to help you decide:
>
>You might suspect you have Parkinson's Disease when you regularly
go to
>bed before your grandparents, your mother has 10 times your
stamina, and
>100 times your dexterity, and your faithful dog, so old you've
long
>forgotten his age, runs you ragged chasing balls.
>
>Old Rasmussen was back in the news this week. He got his
information in
>the mail regarding the deep-sleep company, Cold Turkey, the  "we
keep
>you cold, so you don't grow old" boys, and he thinks he's going
to order
>the home model.  Sloshing down his third Levodopa beer at the
Northern
>Lights microbrewery, Rasmussen was the center of attention.
"Boys, it's
>not that I want to do this thing you understand, but I'm afraid I
just
>won't make it until they find a cure.  This way I'll be certain
to be
>there.  And, I won't miss taking these stupid pills any more I
can tell
>you that."  Rasmussen paused to take a breath, getting into it
now.
>"Listen there's something else.  With the home model, they have
speakers
>hooked up to your capsule and you can have anything you want
playing in
>there while you're asleep.  I could even listen to the Tigers
play for
>five years; maybe they'll climb out of the cellar by then; heh,
heh, fat
>chance."   Hmmm, I thought.  Wouldn't it be fun to play Chinese
lessons
>into that capsule for five years, so when old Rasmussen came out
of it
>he'd need an interpreter? "Good morning, Mr. Rasmussen, how do
you
>feel?   You've been asleep for 7 years?"  "Quang po chang??"
"What was
>that?  "Quang po chang, ho hung chunk?" "So," said Rasmussen, "If
I give
>you a list of tapes would you guys come over make sure my wife is
>playing the right tapes?  We all nodded that we would keep an eye
on the
>tapes played into the capsule.  I couldn't get my mind off the
Chinese
>lessons.  A dirty trick to be sure, but almost irresistible.
>
>Well Ladies and gentlemen, the sun is sinking in the west, and
birds are
>singing from every tree, all nature seems inclined to rest, but
there
>ain't no rest for a lad like me.  The flies are gearing up for
another
>season of attacking, pestering, biting and generally making life
>miserable.  It's a toss-up, which is worse up here, flies or
mosquitoes
>(winner and runner-up for State Bird) or that ubiquitous little
terror:
>the blood-sucking tick. So, we'll see you again next week.
Remember to
>indulge your laugh, smile and sense of humor, because nasty old
Mr. PD
>simply can't thrive around a smiling face.
>
>John Bjork (60/20)
>A View from the Lighter Side of PD
>Parkinsaw, MI
>WebSite:  www.mikeauldridge.com/parknsaw/htm
>