Paul Ayers wrote:
>
> Marie,
> I appreciate the thoughts.  It is very consuming at this point in my
> life. It seems that some of the list members have learned to cope, deal,
> accept, and reason with this vicious disease with time.  Maybe one day I
> too will have the wisdom to deal with it.  At this point I think my
> serious attitude is simply because of the unknown.  I look to the list
> to get information, real life information, information from those who
> live each day with PD. You can not get this type of information from a
> book.  Thank God for the list.  I think that my response has left the
> impression that I do not have a sense of humor.  My family read the post
> and follow up about Non-Pd and Pd.  Their first question was "who are
> they talking about, that doesn't have a sense of humor?"  Well, I told
> them that the post were about my comments, and they all laughed,
> thinking that anyone who knows me, knows having a sense of humor is one
> of my best traits.  I meant no harm to those of you enjoy the humor of
> the list.  You must understand, you and others have had time to educate
> yourselves, time to adjust, and maybe you have forgotten the first
> couple of years after diagnosis.  Remember when you first found out, the
> concerns, fears, the tremendous need for information, the tears, the
> family reaction, the peer reaction, the work reaction and the just plain
> anger... that is where I am.  I appreciate the list, it has been a
> God-send.  So, please, do not think badly of me, I can only hope that I
> too will at some point be able to help others as most of the list posts
> have helped me.
> Have a great day, I will get better (in understanding)
>
> Paul Ayers
> General Manager
> Universal Consulting, Inc
> Indianapolis, Indiana
> 317-577-1502
> 317-558-1026
> http://www.uciconsult.net
> [log in to unmask]

Paul, your message is entirely pertinent and valid. yet, as scientists
and analysts will, i read from what you wrote that you are not
especially versed in the handling of depressions. the first couple of
years after diagnosis - as you note - are less for some than others.
Bill Harshaw's MY SECOND LIFE is his very pertinent "book" about
handling repeated depressing events in his life. his psychic turnaround
was a replacement of what had been most important by what became most
important.

so, i am serious in saying that you are angry that fate dealt you a loss
in health. i did much introspection several times in my life. each was a
loss of some magnitude. (the gains or succcesses were not as frequent,
it seems.)

my coping with the diagnosis that was so poorly done: the doctors nearly
all do a lousy job of saying:
  "you have Parkinson's disease. we do not know much about it, but some
medicines help reduce the symptoms - we will help you learn how to
optimize your medicating. also, there is need of psychological handling
of this bad news. it is normal  to be depressed when told you have a
chronic debility that will progressively worsen. getting help from PWP
in a support group should be better available to you than it is, but DO
GET HELP and support to learn how others cope and adjust."

my introspecting became a book that i felt was a condensation of all i
had learned and wanted to pass along to others. it was a frenzied
activity that i felt was extremely important. it was some help to me but
it's acceptance by those to whom i gave it was less than thrilling. i
wrote further two or three more treatises in 1993 and later. i still
have about a third of the copies of most of them.

i  am arguing that there is much to learn from books. i believe that you
will do that learning. denial, anger, blaming, and ultimately acceptance
are stages of handling depressive events as you probably know.

your e-mail signature tells me that you will find it hard to withdraw
from succeeding in the fiscal sense. attitude is primary. my favorite
poem is invictus. i also like Piet Hein:
 I'd like to know
 what this whole show
 is all about
 before it's out.

--
Ron Vetter 1936, '84 PD dz
[log in to unmask]
http://www.ridgecrest.ca.us/~rfvetter