I've always like Dangerfield's self defacing humor:


> RODNEY DANGERFIELD'S BEST ONE-LINERS
> >
> >  A girl phoned me the other day and said ... "Come on
> >  over, there's nobody home."  I went over. Nobody was home.
> >
> >  One day as I came home early from work ... I saw a guy
> >  jogging naked.  I said to the guy .... "Hey buddy .... why are
> >  you doing that?"  He said, "Because  you came home early."
> >
> >  Its been a rough day.  I got up this morning .... put on a
> >  shirt and a button fell off.  I picked up my briefcase and the
> >  handle came off.  I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
> >
> >  When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
> >
> >  I could tell that my parents hated me.  My bath toys were
> >  a toaster and a radio.
> >
> >  My mother never breast fed me.  She told me that she
> >  only liked me as a friend.
> >
> >  My father carries around the picture of the kid who came
> >  with his wallet.
> >
> >  When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting
> >  room and said to my  father.... I'm very sorry.  We did
> >  everything we could...... But he pulled through.
> >
> >  My mother had morning sickness-after I was born.
> >
> >  I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece
> >  of my finger to my father.  He said he wanted more proof.
> >
> >  Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to
> >  help me find my parents.  I said to him ... "Do you think we'll
> >  ever find them?"  He said ..."I don't know kid ... there are so
> >  many places they can hide."
> >
> >  My wife made me join a bridge club.  I jump off next Tuesday.
> >
> >  I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get.
> >
> >  I went to see my doctor.  "Doctor, every morning when I get
> >  up and look in  the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong
> >  with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
> >
> >  I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping
> >  pills.  My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
>