hi all

At 09:40 1999/08/06 -0500, edward wrote:
>Janet:
>I fear that these strong words may scare many from contributing.
>Indeed they could be perceived as an "attack" on the entire population.
>If I, for example, attempted to sell some perceived snake oil to the
>members of this list, and you challenged my intentions, that may or
>not be in good faith, could your challenge be considered an attack?
>Could this reply to your post be considered an attack?...

not at all
as i have said
i am all for robust and frank discussion of most things
and i appreciate being questioned or challenged
since it makes me think harder

i think the key word here is 'personal'

using your example
i probably would ask you directly what your intentions were
and what your purpose was on the list
to get pd support or to make sales?

that would not qualify as a 'personal' attack
although you might feel it an unwelcome question

however
if i said
you were a slimeball for trying to use this list to make sales

that would very likely fall under the heading of a 'personal' attack
by anyone's definition

i see no 'personal' vilification in your post to me
you are simply questioning my judgement on some of my actions
and sharing your opinions of same;
you have not told me i was a stupid git for being so reactionary

so, no your reply to my post is not a personal attack
in any way shape or form

>As caregiver for my mother, this list has been very valuable to me.
>I delete many posts based solely on subject. I know that I am at
>risk of missing something but I feel that if the discussion is
>valuable, it will be repeated...

that's your and my and everyone else's prerogative
and there is always digging in the archives as a backup

>I agree that we should never attack anyone personally, but, what scares me
>is that many contributors may take an attack on their content as a personal
>attack on them.  Then the list owner makes a decision based on a one sided
>perception to ban us from the list...

understanding the difference between
expressing or hearing an opinion of another's behaviour
and
expressing or hearing an opinion of another's character

is a work in progress for most of us
i think

i think it's even more important
to learn to recognize that difference in this medium
where we have no visual cues or body language
to help us with interpreting communication

maybe that's why my 'direct' question technique
sometimes is perceived as aggressive
as opposed to assertive

in my conversation with dennis i added the 'three strikes' idea
and also the qualifier 'persists in attacking'
i hope that these alterations address your fears

as barb said, if you've made it this far,
you are probably safe!

i think it's a tragic waste of all of our time and energy
that the actions of one [in my view at least] person
can cause this kind of turmoil here

but
it has happened and we have to address it
as well as we can

>This list is great.  We have serious discussion, some humor,
>sometimes a little flaming, but most of all, it is a functional,
>healthy information base that resembles ANY group of humans...

absolutely!
i agree with you completely
and that's where i derived my family analogy years ago

>Please don't further divide this list into us users
>and those that can make us former users....

that is not my intention at all

i know this whole kefuffle issue is upsetting to everyone
but i feel strongly about the issue of our obligation
to those listmembers under attack

we have to keep in mind the source of all this disturbance

just think!
if the attacks hadn't taken place
we'd probably be arguing about background screen colours again!

>Like another contributer just wrote, you and I have also exchanged
>"attacks" that would have banned both from this list under this
>strict criteria.

i have very strong feelings about 'private' attacks
which i have made abundantly clear recently
and also back then

this may be an issue
to which women are more sensitive than men
[hence the 'subtle' allusion in the title of my message]

thanks, edward


janet

ps
i wonder how many female listmembers vs male listmembers
feel my words were 'too strong' ???

janet paterson
52 now / 41 dx / 37 onset
snail-mail: PO Box 171  Almonte  Ontario  K0A 1A0  Canada
website: a new voice <http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Village/6263/>
e-mail: <[log in to unmask]>