hi all

At 16:03 1999/08/06 -0500, darwin wrote, in part:
>...No where did I even allude to this being a public forum...

you didn't
i interpolated and extrapolated
'public' from 'general' which was my own opinion anyway

>> someone who feels vulnerable and in pain
>> and who comes here for support and solace at our open door invitation
>> deserves a bit more assurance of privacy from the outside world
>> don't you think?
>
>I've been rethinking my stance a little in this area. I can best
>illustrate it with an example. Our oldest son was as hard headed
>as a rock. There was very little we could do to change his mind
>if he had it set on something. Kinda like you, Janet (ducking!).
>
>Our two years younger number two son wore his feelings on his
>sleeve and could easily be brought to tears for what most of us
>would consider an insignificant reason, especially by his hard
>headed older brother. (Like a few on the list who jump at suspecting
>they are being attacked when we are only disagreeing with them.)
>
>Number three son (four years younger than number two - the blessed
>result of a camping trip) took on the best qualities of his older
>brothers and found a very good balance. He was our super kid. Like
>most people on the list.
>
>All three have grown into fine young men with happy marriages, good
>careers, and adjusted lives. They still and will always exhibit
>these basic personality characteristics, however.

so
are you saying that there's no point in trying to 'shelter' anyone
 - that if they tend to feel hurt that they will always feel that way?
or am i not understanding your point here?

>> could we not agree that the sender is committing an offense
>> regardless of the content of the "whatever" message?
>>
>Yes, but my slant is not to respond with a "Stop it!" in the first
>place. In most all instances that will be the last you will hear of
>the matter. People usually won't let up when they know where your
>goat is tied. They know right where to go to get it...

i love this metaphor!
and i know the essential truth in it as well
otherwise known as 'knowing how to push your buttons'

i think our [bp and me] experience of the past four years
with this particular individual has had a great deal to do
with our heated reaction
and still does

who needs to write any 'rules' at all
if there are no, dare i say it, 'trouble-makers' ?

maybe [or rather likely]
writing rules will have no effect here either

i don't feel good about someone
deliberately setting out to hurt someone else,
or manipulate a situation or to 'push someone's buttons'

if the recipient of such attention is a listmember
[i identified with carole's shock and dismay]
i tend to feel responsible

[and not just as a new list co-owner -
i would have felt just as upset as a 'regular' listmember
who cherishes this place]

my initial private advice to carole
was 'don't waste too many of your neurotransmitters on this'

i think i'll go do some dishes...

janet

janet paterson
52 now / 41 dx / 37 onset
snail-mail: PO Box 171  Almonte  Ontario  K0A 1A0  Canada
website: a new voice <http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Village/6263/>
e-mail: <[log in to unmask]>