>  A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road
> and approaches the blonde lady driver.  "Ma'm, is there a reason
> that you're weaving all over the road"?
>
> The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!!
> I almost had an accident!  I looked up and there was a tree
> right in front of me.  I swerved to the left and there was another
> tree in front of me.  I swerved to the right and there was another
> tree in front of me!"
>
> Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer
> replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
>
>
- - - - - - - - - -


> LONG AWAITED BRUNETTE JOKES - Well, the blondes finally
> got together and got back at the brunettes. Here's their revenge:
>
> WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A  DITCH?
> A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.
>
> WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE?
> Brown-bagging it.
>
> WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE?
> No one else wants it.
>
> WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS?
> So brunettes can remember them.
>
> WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES?
> Invisible.
>
> WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL?
> "Has the blonde left yet? "
>
> WHY DIDN'T INDIANS SCALP  BRUNETTES?
> The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.
>
> WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR?
> When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?
>
> WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY?
> The invitation
>
> WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE?
> A hostage
>
> WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES?
> Fisher-Price
>
> WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR?
> It matches their mustache.
>
- - - - - - - - - - -

> A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he
> arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had
> forgotten his false teeth.
>
> Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth."
>
> The man said, "No problem."
>
> He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try
> these," he said.
>
> The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
>
> The man then said, "I have another pair - try these."
>
> The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
>
> The man was not taken back at all.
>
> He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them."
>
> The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
>
> With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting
> was
> over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.
>
> "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been
> looking for a good dentist."
>
> The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker."
>
- - - - - - - -

> Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely
> evening, the husband was met at the door by his
> sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the
> druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the
> phone."
>
> Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the
> druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more
> than a word or two, the druggist told him,
> "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it. This
> morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting
> up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car,
> but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both
> house and car keys inside. I had to break a window
> to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding
> ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a
> flat tire.
> When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of
> people waiting for me to open up. I got the store
> opened and started waiting on these people, and all
> the time the darn phone was ringing its head off.
>
> Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash
> register drawer to make change, and they spilled all
> over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to
> pick up the nickels - the phone is still ringing - when I
> came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer,
> which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch
> of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and
> broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I
> finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she
> wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.
> Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!"
>
>
>