Dear Camilla, and LIST,

   I will answer your questions, briefly, Camilla.  Can you please
wait till tomorrow for me to respond?  I must say, I am sorry you asked
 me so MANY questions, because I really am tired, and don't want to
occupy the LIST with too much "Ivan". But, in the
hopes of winning you over, I will do it for you, when I have more
energy.

There is something you mentioned, "homophobia."  Let me talk to ALL
the List members about this , in a larger context-I am also Jewish. I
am just as proud to be Jewish as to be gay -and Maine is a Christian
and very anti-gay world, for the most part.

   Probably I've got  Jewish persecution memories--but why ME??

I am not from Maine, so people are reluctant to get too involved.  Homo-
phobia affects my family , and it is tragic, because I am indeed a Jewish
man, not only a
 homosexual man,  ever  since my childhood.  I have been made"gay by God,
not by choice."

  There are HUGE fears of gay men here, even gently aging "queens" like
me.

.  Once that comes out, people RUN.  I DO NOT have HIV.  But if I did,
there would
be at least federal grants and all kinds of social workers and
organizations to help me.

 With worsening Young Onset  Parkinson's, I am losing hope of a solution.
It ALSO isolates me.  Steve Schwartz said it  to me on the phone: Ivan,
you're gay, Jewish and you are a PWP--no wonder you are having a hard
time!

  I am devoted to my PD community, and believe in including ALL.  I wish
a few more gay men who are PWP's would reveal themselves to our LIst!!

 I would be safer in numbers.

  THere are at least 2 extraordinary gay women and at least one
extraordinary gay  man
on our PD List who are remarkable contributors to our PD community.  I
wish that
they would "come out", and then,  I bet you that our community would be
more able to feel
comfortable with me.


   And of course, homophobic attacks- I have been spat upon, deserted,
and
even lost my home to fire- and caregivers can be HELL for me to survive,
are
another BIG factor.  There was a woman here three weeks ago, and when
she refused to drive me to the church where my (gay) men's chorus
performed,and
than announced that she was going to "exorcize me", I had to ask her to
stop,
or to leave. She left.  Bigotry is EVERYEHERE. I spent half the night on
the
phone talkingto Hilary BLue and MaryHElen Davila, just to survive alone.
And
TONS of prayers.

  When you stumble or your voice slurs, a PWP can EASILY be mistaken for
drunk or drug-addicted.  I neither drink, nor use drugs.  So there is
another  HUGE factor
in the way I am treated by unsymmpathetic people-like Portland's City
lawyers.  Especially
on worn-out speaker phones.

God Bless,

Ivan