-----Original Message-----
From: Camilla Flintermann <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask] <[log in to unmask]>
Date: Wednesday, December 08, 1999 9:13 AM
Subject: Im the "Couch" article Guy - Greg Wasson


>Dear CAREfriends-- another lovely and insightful piece from the author of
>"Don't Help the Burglar Steal the Couch"---he's a PWP, and this is worth
>reading!
>
>SHARON: please fwd this also to PIEN for me ?  Thanks.
>*******
>
>>Date: Wed, 08 Dec 1999 02:36:32 -0800
>>From: Greg Wasson <[log in to unmask]>
>>Subject: Im the "Couch" article Guy - Greg Wasson
>
>>Mrs. Flinterman,
>>Hi. I'm Greg Wasson, the fellow who posted the "Burgler" article.
>>I don't know too much about the listserv, but I know it reaches many.
>>Thanks for taking the time to put my post from the MGH forum on the
>>server where it may do some good for a PWP or caregiver who would
>>otherwise not have seen it. A friend sent me a copy from the server,
>>which led me here. I was surprised but pleased that it was floating
>>around in cyberspace.
>>After reading about your family and your poetry (I especially liked the
>>marriage poem - I'm 48 in a few days and my wife is 41) , I thought I'd
>>leave an earlier article I posted about my nephew T.J. in Babylon NY,
>>where much of my wife's family lives, and what PD has taught me about
>>frustration and ways of dealing with it. Thanks for allowing me to
>>visit.
>>
>>Best wishes from Oakland, CA.
>>Greg
>>--------------------------
>>
>>Lessons about PD, Toddlers, and Tantrums
>>
>>Tonight my soon to be 2 yr old nephew, whom I have met twice, had a
>>meltdown. It was the kind of desperately unhappy, seemingly nothing can
>>soothe anger at the world that comes from a day too long, the nap not
>>taken, too much excitment. Too tired, too soon.
>>
>>After he had flung himself onto the floor and was flailing and wailing as
>>his parents were trying to to get him ready to go out to dinner, I sat
>>down beside him on the floor and just said nothing for a while. I
>>was just there, quiet. In a minute or two while he was still inconsolable
>>I started
>>talking to him in a very soft low voice. Although I was talking about how
>>he must be feeling, I'm sure it was only the sound of my voice and not the
>>words that he understood.
>>
>>After little while longer I gave him an occasional light poke on his
>>belly, enough to be playful but not so's he'd think I was trying to
>>accomplish anything as we adults have to sometimes with a kid who at
>>that moment is on our schedule, like it it or not. It was just touch,
>>slightly playful.
>>
>>To make a long story shorter, he began to look at me intently as I
>>continued to talk. Then he began to relax his muscles, stop crying and
>>became still. I kept on talking and then smiling as I got a smile from
>>the belly pokes.
>>
>>Eventually I suggested that we get up and go out with his mom and dad to
>>the car for the drive to dinner. He got up, indicated he wanted my hand (a
>>first) and we headed to the car.
>>
>>I think the reason I got to that generally sweet natured boy is because Pd
>>has brought me to that same spot so often lately. And when I feel that
>>combination of exhaustion, frustration, and anger, it feeds itself like a
>>child's tantrum and no amount of reasoning is likely to bring me out of
>>it. At those times I need what that toddler needed. Someone to BE with me
>>quietly, and transfer some of their peace to me by their simple presence
>>and understanding without expectation or coaxing, until enough
>>of the anger and frustration, which I, as he, clearly really do not want
>>to feel, has floated away on the wings of the other person's peace. The
>>other person's emotional centeredness gets wafted over to me and I begin
>>to feel centered again, even though I am still tired and the day has still
>>been too long. Then I can accept overt comfort and coaxing. Then I can
>>cry. Then I can take another's hand and express my appreciation for taking
>>me from a spot I really didn't want to be in, no matter how justified I
>>felt. The catharsis really comes after the anger melts into tears as I am
>>enfolded in another arms or words.
>>
>>So PD has taught me how to behave like a two-year old, but also to
>>understand what the two-year old inside of many of us with Pd need to
>>bring us back to the sweetness and tenderness of the world for awhile.
>>
>>Everybody have a good Thanksgiving. See you in the funny papers.
>>Greg
>