hi all
ken and i had a brief conversation about suicide
janet

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>>>>at least with pd and sinemet
>>>>there's a little relief in the symptoms
>>>>good hard evidence of a little light at the end of the tunnel now and again
>>>
>>>Hi Janet,
>>>I'm a bit confused about this statement.  Don't you take
>>>anti-depressants?  Do they not work?  A little bit even?

>>i'm a bit confused by it now myself!
>>i was on a late night rant 'n' roll
>>and thinking too fast for my typing maybe!
>>
>>yes i take anti-depressants and yes they work just wonderfully
>>
>>maybe just as important, over the years,
>>i have become fairly skilled at recognizing the "fog incoming" signs

>>>At the first Parkinson's Action Network Forum a group of about twelve of
>>>us, maily young-onset,  had dinner at the hotel restaurant.  I had not
>>>met any of them before but we had grown close in a very short period of
>>>time because of our common bond.  Ofcourse, not having PD I felt a bit
>>>of an outsider, but not much.
>>>
>>>At one point during the conversation the subject of suicide came up.  I
>>>was stunned to hear that everyone had considered it.  They were
>>>comfortable saying to one another that "if things got bad enough" they
>>>would commit suicide.  It was very matter of fact, rational and
>>>guiltless.  It was at this point that I began to grasp the depth of pain
>>>in Parkinson's.
>>>
>>>As far as I know none of these individuals has done themselves in.  Some
>>>have been through some pretty tough times but they seem to be in it for
>>>the long haul.
>>>Regards,
>>>Ken Aidekman

>you don't have PD?! well why the heck am i talking to you at all then?!
>lolo!
>
>i considered suicide my future 'out' for a long time as well
>
>in retrospect, i think the pain there was one
>of anticipating and awfulizing the future
>
>just the idea of using a wheelchair might have terrified me at some point
>but it holds no terror for me now
>
>i went for one in a shopping mall not long ago when i was off
>and was intrigued to discover that my 21 year old niece
>was embarrassed by it [not by me]
>
>we change and grow and adapt
>and
>we cannot foresee the future
>
>thinking about suicide from a 'safe' dinner party type distance
>[not to belittle those discussions in any way whatsoever]
>is not the aspect of cd and suicide that frustrates me
>
>it's the secret 'weakness'
>the unexpressed pain
>the hidden shame
>
>so needlessly crippling and delaying
>when i know first hand that that type of thinking
>is mostly lies and distortions which
>disappear poof! with treatment
>
>looking back into the fog left behind
>from an escapee's position can be an exercise in amazement
>what in heck was that?
>what was i thinking?
>
>janet
>
>(would you mind if i 'shared' this with the list?)


Ok to share stuff with list.

I'm a major big fan of anti-depressants.  I've been taking them for over
three years and the difference between before and after is night and
day.  I am stunned to experience what I feel like without them.  When I
miss some pills I become confused, distracted, tired, angry, apathetic,
nasty.  I'm not happy about being dependant on these anti-depressants
but nonetheless I wish they were around for the many years of my life
when I suffered needlessly.

Exercise is real important as well.

-Ken
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janet paterson
53 now / 41 dx / 37 onset
613 256 8340 / PO Box 171 Almonte Ontario K0A 1A0 Canada
visit my website "a new voice" at: "http://www.geocities.com/janet313/"