Girls, boys, men, women, gentlemen, ladies, regardless of what we call each
other, there are still differences.  Maybe the following will tickle you as
it did me.   :-})

Jeff
[log in to unmask]


This assignment was actually turned in by two English students:
>
>  Rebecca <last name deleted> and Gary <last name deleted>
>  English 44A
>  SMU
>  Creative Writing
>  Prof Miller
>
>  In-class Assignment for Wednesday
>
>  "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
>  The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person
>  sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write
>  the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the
>  first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The
>  first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and
>  forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order
>  to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a
>  conclusion has been reached."
>
>  The story begins ...
>
>  ---
>
>  At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>  camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
>  now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
>  that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs,
>  keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
>  she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
>  So camomile was out of the question.
>
>  Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
>  squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
>  think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named
>  Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
>  "A.S. Harris to eostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
>  communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
>  far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed
>  out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The
>  jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across
>  the cockpit.
>
>  He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
>  felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
>  woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterward, Earth
>  stopped its pointless hostilities toward the peaceful farmers of
>  Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space
>  Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
>  simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
>  dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and
>  carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
>  from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
>  her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she
>  pondered wistfully.
>
>  Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live.
>  Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership
>  launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted
>  wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament
>  Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the
>  hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race.
>  Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian
>  ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
>  pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly
>  initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered
>  the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile
>  submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam,
>  felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and
>  85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the
>  conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that
>  treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
>
>  This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
>  writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
>
>  Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts
>  at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
>
>  You total $*&.
>
>  Stupid %&#$!
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