hi all

in light of discussions re disability benefits, retirement, et cetera
and
in light of the pd connection with cd in 50% of us
and
in light of our society's frequent confusion between
self-esteem and selfishness

i have found this helpful in the past
and hope it might be relevant to my cyber-siblings now


janet


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from "feeling good" by dr. david burns
chapter 13 "your work is not your worth"
------------------------------------

a silent assumption that leads to anxiety and depression is
"my worth as a human being is proportional
to what i have achieved in my life"

this attitude is at the core of western culture
and the protestant work ethic

it sounds innocent enough

in fact
it is self-defeating, grossly inaccurate, and malignant

there are four valid paths to self-esteem

the first
is both pragmatic and philosophical

essentially you must acknowledge that human "worth"
is just an abstraction
it doesn't exist
therefore you cannot have it or fail to have it
and it cannot be measured

worth is not a thing
it is just a global concept

nor is it a useful and enhancing concept
it is simply self-defeating

it doesn't do you any good
it only causes suffering and misery

so rid yourself immediately of any claim to being 'worthy'
and you'll never have to measure up again
or fear being worthless

"but i'm a humanistic or spiritual person" you might argue
"i've always been taught that all human beings have worth
and i just don't want to give up this concept"

very well
if you want to look at it this way
i'll agree with you

and this brings us to the second path to self-esteem

acknowledge that everyone has one "unit of worth"
from the time they are born
until the time they die

as an infant
you may achieve very little
and yet you are still precious and worthwhile

when you are old or ill
relaxed or asleep
or just doing "nothing"
you still have "worth"

your "unit of worth"
can't be measured
amd can never change
and it is the same for everyone

during your lifetime
you can enhance your happiness and satisfaction
through productive living
or
you can act in a destructive manner
and make yourself miserable
but
your "unit of worth" is always there
along with your potential for self-esteem and joy

since you can't measure it or change it
there is no point in dealing with it
or being concerned about it
leave that up to god

here is the third path to self-esteem

recognize
that there is only one way
you can lose a sense of self-worth:
by persecuting yourself with unreasonable illogical negative thoughts

self-esteem
can be defined as the state that exists
when you are not arbitrarily haranguing and abusing yourself
but choose to fight back against these automatic thoughts
with meaningful rational responses

when you do this effectively
you will experience a natural sense of jubilation
and self-endorsement

essentially you don't have to get the river flowing
you just have to avoid
damming it

here is the fourth solution

self-esteem can be viewed as your decision
to treat yourself like a
beloved friend

imagine that a vip you respect came suddenly to visit you one day
how might you treat that person:

you would wear your best clothes
and offer your finest wine and food
and you would do everything you could
to make her feel comfortable and pleased with her visit
you would be sure to let her know how highly you valued her
and how honoured you were that she chose to spend some time with you

now - why not treat yourself like that
do it all the time if you can

after all
no matter how impressed you are with your favourite vip
you
are more important to you
than she is
so why not treat yourself at least as well

would you
insult and harangue a guest with vicious distorted put downs?

would you
peck away at her weaknesses and imperfections?

then why do this to yourself?

your self torment
becomes pretty silly when you look at it this way

do you
have to earn the right
to treat yourself in this loving caring way?

no

this attitude of self-esteem
will be an assertion that you make
based on a full awareness of your strengths and imperfections

you will fully acknowledge your positive attributes
without false humility or a sense of superiority

you will freely admit to all your errors and inadequacies
without any sense of inferiority or self-depreciation whatever

this attitude embodies the essence
of self love and self respect

it does not have to be earned

it cannot be earned in any way

------------------------------------

janet paterson
51-10 / sinemet-selegiline-prozac
almonte-ontario-canada / [log in to unmask]