I would never have made it in the field of medicine..
BBA





> The following are excerpts from various American medical
>  journals.......prepare yourself, they are pretty amazing  (But
> all  are True)
> You have been warned!!!!
>
>                      INNER SKELETON
>
>  A 63 year old widow was admitted to hospital in Recife,
>  Brazil, suffering abdominal pains.   X-rays showed that she was
>  carrying a 20 inch long skeleton of a fetus which she
>  conceived a decade earlier.  It had become  lodged outside the
>  womb and was never expelled from her body.
>
>
>
>                       FEMALE SOFA
>  A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in the hospital.
>  During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under
>  her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts,
>  and a remote control was found lodged between the
>  folds of her vulva.
>
>
>
>                            OUCH!
>
>  A couple hobbled into a Washington emergency room covered in
>  blood restaurant towels.  The man had his around his waist, and
>  the woman had hers around her head.  They eventually explained to
>  doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic
>  dinner.   Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to
>  administer oral sex to the man. While in the act, she had an
>  epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the
>  man's member and wrench it from side to side.  In agony and
>  desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the
>  head until she let go.
>
>
>
>                          BABY CHICKEN
>
>  A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room
>  complaining of abdominal pains.  During an examination,
>  doctors found that the woman's labia were
>  pinned together with old safety pins. Further  inside, they
>  found the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman
>  explained that she inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that
>  they  would grow into a baby.
>
>
>
>                          SEX EDUCATION
>
>  A Californian doctor examining a young woman with abdominal
>  pains asked her if she was sexually active.  She said that she
>  wasn't.  A later examination showed that she was pregnant.  Asked why
>  she said that she was not sexually active, the woman replied
>  "I'm not, I just lie there."  When asked if she knew who the
>  father was, with a puzzled look she replied, "No.  Who?"
>
>
>
>                         BLIND DRUNK
>
>  A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe
>  pain  while trying to remove his contact lenses.  He said that
>  they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in.
>  A nurse tried  to help using a suction pump, but without success.
> Finally,
>  a doctor examined him and discovered that the man did not have his
> contact
>  lenses  in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his
> cornea.
>
>
>
>                            GROWING SEASON
>
>  An old woman in a North Carolina ER complained of green vines
>  growing from her vagina.  Investigation revealed a large potato
>  trapped in her womb. The woman then suddenly  remembered
>  that she had inserted it two weeks previously, because she
>  thought  that her uterus was falling out.
>
>
>
>                           PRICKLY PAIR
>
>  In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his
>  penis. He complained that his wife had "a rat in her pussy" and
>  it  bit him during sex.  After an examination of his wife, if was
>  revealed  that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
> recent
>  hysterectomy.
>
>
>
>                        LAST STAND
>
>  A Cambridge man hobbled into the ER complaining of a permanent
>  erection. He admitted to doctors that while on holiday in Cuba,
>  he frequented many brothels, and in one he was given some erectile
>  cream to keep him hard. He was told to use it sparingly.
>  However, since he was having so much fun, he kept using more
>  and more.  By the time he came to the ER, all the blood
>  vessels in his penis were swollen and his testicles had
>  ballooned in size.  Doctors could do nothing except prescribe pain
> killers,
>  and  told him that it  would return to flaccidity in a few days.
>  They also told him to enjoy his erection while
>  it lasted, because it was going to be his last.
>
>
>
>                           JUICY LUCY
>
>  In Kentucky, a woman complained of a purple discharge from her
>  vagina. She thought it might have something to do with the
>  diaphragm that her doctor had recently given her.  "I followed
>  all the instructions to the letter,"
>  she told her doctor, "and used it with the jelly."  When asked
>  which kind of jelly she had used, she replied "Grape."
>
>
>
>                       BRUSH AFTER MEALS
>
>  A very hygienic patient was being treated by two nurses for
>  a burst vein in his stomach.  While changing the dressing, one
> of  the nurses screamed. They saw maggots crawling down the man's
> chest.
> They had been breeding between his teeth, and smelling the
> open wound, decided to feed further down his body.
>
>
>
>                         CALL THE BUM SQUAD!
>
>  A World War II veteran came into a London clinic with a
>  hemorrhoid problem. One painful pile would often hang
>  down from the man's anus and he was in the habit of pushing
>  it back up with an artillery shell.  On this occasion,
>  the shell got stuck.  Doctors were going to remove it but the
>  man told them the shell was still live. So the hospital called
>  in the army bomb disposal squad, who built a lead box around
>  the man's anus to defuse the shell so it could be removed.
>
>
>
>                     KLINGONS AROUND URANUS
>
>  A 20 year old man came to the ER with a stony mass in his
>  rectum. He  said that he and his boyfriend were fooling
>  around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea
> of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel. The
> concrete then hardened, causing constipation and pain. Under
> general anaesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum
>  was removed........................along with a stray Ping-Pong ball.
>
>
>
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